Cheesy Topless Lasagna

I’m sure you’ve learned by now, being a consumer in 2012, that our lives are all about branding. Some of the smartest people in the world are working at Starbucks (um) because they don’t know how to brand themselves. But here I am to help! You’re welcome. This recipe is for Topless Creamy Vegetable Lasagna. I made it for my dear friend Jordan’s wedding, which included a potluck reception. (BRILLIANT. There was even vegan cheesecake there.)

This lasagna was a labor of love. It will have you doing dishes for days, so it might be best to stagger the preparation over a few days so as to not overwhelm you. It’s worth it though! I promise.

First I made the sauce and filling. Here’s what you’ll need:

some olive oil (duh)
1/2 cup chopped onion
1 tbl finely minced garlic
1 cup chopped fresh basil
2.5 tbl flour
3 cups almond milk, soymilk or what have you
1/2 cup coconut milk
1 cup raw cashews
2 tbl nutritional yeast
1 tsp sea salt
1.5 cup chopped carrots
1.5 cup chopped mushrooms
1.5 cup chopped broccoli

In a medium saucepan, heat some olive oil. Add the onion and garlic, and sauté until translucent. (Is now a good time to whine about how often I find myself typing the phrase “sauté until translucent” or “cook until translucent”? Am I famous enough to coin the acronym SUT or CUT? I know those don’t flow off the tongue so much, but we’ll go with it until I find it irritating.)

So cook those suckers, then add the basil. Cook about 2 minutes or so. You need the basil to be wilted, but not too dark. Transfer this creamy goodness to a bowl, and set aside to cool.

Use that same saucepan (efficiency!), heat some more olive oil. Whisk in the flour and cook for about a minute. The flour should smell toasty. But don’t burn it, you silly goose! Add the coconut milk, then add the almond milk 1/4 a cup at a time, whisking constantly. The mixture should thicken, but if it doesn’t, don’t sweat it. This can happen later. Just relax. Add this mixture to the cooled (hopefully) basil mixture, and whisk it all together as one happy, dysfunctional basil family.

Meanwhile, while the sauce is cooling as much as it knows how, process the raw cashews in a food processor. (It will be loud. If your roommates are watching Duck Dynasty in the living room, apologize and bring them cocktails.) The cashews should be crumbly and fine, almost powdery. Refill your roommates’ glasses, and add the basil sauce, along with nutritional yeast and sea salt, and process for a minute or so. Until nice and creamy. AGAIN, if it’s not too creamy yet, it’s fine. Relax.

Add this sauce to that VERY SAME SAUCEPAN (#efficiency!) and return to heat. Add the chopped vegetables.

If you’re making the whole lasagna on the same day, now would be the time to simmer this vegetable sauce on LOW for 40 minutes, stirring occasionally. Otherwise, simmer for 15 minutes and you’re good to store the sauce for a later day.

Another part of this dish you can prepare beforehand is the tofu ricotta - the recipe for which I unapologetically ganked from Isa. It’s super simple. Here’s what you need:

1 package of well-pressed, firm or extra-firm tofu
2 tsp lemon juice
1 clove minced garlic
1/4 tsp salt
dash of black pepper
about ten leaves fresh basil
2 tsp olive oil
1/4 cup nutritional yeast

In a large bowl, mush up the tofu with your fingers, until it’s crumbly. Add the lemon juice, garlic, salt, pepper, and basil. Mush it all together real nice-like, with your hands, until it gets sort of ricotta-y. Add the olive oil, and stir with a fork. Add the nooch and mix it all up. This will hold in the fridge for about a week.

And now we get to lasagna day!

Yes! First and foremost, haul out your vegetable cream sauce and simmer on low for about 40 minutes. Make sure to stir on occasion.

Next, decide how many layers you want to put in your ‘sagna (check that slang I just coined). Boil enough lasagna pasta to fulfill your layer needs, for about 8-10 minutes depending on your pasta. Drain and rinse with cool water. Line the bottom of your casserole dish with the pasta, and preheat your oven to 325.

When your sauce is done simmering, it’s time to build your ‘sagna. I layered mine like this:

pasta
vegetable sauce
Daiya mozzarella shreds
pasta
ricotta

And so on and so forth. Now the Daiya shreds are a bit of a luxury, one that I would omit were I to be making this dish just for myself. BUT we ARE, after all, making topless lasagna. And thus we shall press on.

Cover the final layer of pasta with Daiya shreds. Bake at 325, covered, for 20 minutes. Then bake another 15 minutes, uncovered.

Here’s the important part! When it’s done baking, turn the broiler on high. Leave the lasagna under the broiler while you go dry your hair. Make sure to stage your roommates in the kitchen, to alert you when they see smoke coming from the oven.

Storm into the kitchen, visibly upset at the sight of your burnt creation, remove lasagna, DON’T CRY WHATEVER YOU DO, and let cool while you finish drying your hair, reminding yourself that this is exactly why you’ll never own a successful, famous vegan food cart in downtown Portland. You’ll always be a barista.

Wait! This part is important! Ten minutes later, remove the top layer and consider your time served. It’s still delicious.

Sweet Potato and Squash Mac N' Cheese

Happy Autumn! I am delighted to share with you this squash and sweet potato mac n' cheese, which I admittedly ate far too much of. Twice. This is due in part to its creamy, sweet, hearty fullness and in part to the buttery crust on top, which absolutely makes the meal.

First, roast, boil or otherwise prepare as you wish 1 sweet potato and 1 acorn squash. You'll need the flesh for later, and this will take the most time.

To make the basic sauce, you'll need:

1 cup almond milk

1/4 C nutritional yeast

1 T Earth Balance

1/4 t garlic powder

1/4 t onion powder

1/2 t mustard powder

1/2 t sea salt

black pepper to taste (I usually use copious amounts)

1 1/2 T all-purpose flour

Heat the almond milk on medium heat for 4 minutes, then stir in all the remaining ingredients except the flour. Reduce heat to low and add the flour 1 tablespoon at a time, stirring constantly until the sauce thickens.

Turn the heat to simmer and stir in the squash and sweet potato, gradually stirring until completely mixed. 

Mix the sauce with cooked pasta and you have your basic root veggie mac n' cheese. But if you were paying attention earlier (!!!) you'll clearly recall that the sweet, crumbly topping is key in this dish. So go ahead and preheat your oven to 350 degrees, why don't you?

Whisk 1/2 C all-purpose flour, 1/4 t salt, 1/4 t black pepper, and 2t sugar together in a medium-size bowl. Gradually cut in 2T Earth Balance, mixing with your fingers, until the meal gets crumbly. Sprinkle over your pasta and pop that shit in the oven! For, oh I don't know, 15 minutes? 

Tofu Pot Pie

Whew! Tofu pot pie. This was a grand adventure. I am sad to report that one of the three pies I made fell on the oven door as soon as I removed it, but the other two were plenty tasty.

Pot pie is tricky business, and I’ve learned there are two different rhythms of veggies to prepare. They are as follows:
1. In a skillet, sauté onions and garlic in a gratuitous amount of margarine. Add tofu and sprinkle in a handful of flour. Add mushrooms and 1.5-2c soymilk and stir for 10 minutes.

2. Meanwhile, prepare the hardy veggies - boil anything like squash, taters, carrots or beans that need a little more cooking, for about 10 minutes. Drain and add to tofu mixture. Save a bit of water too, to add to the mix. If you want to add (canned) peas, do that last.

Once all cooked and good, let chill in the fridge.

Crust: I use Vegan Dad’s crust recipe, which is bomb but requires an extra step. He says freeze 1/2c margarine and 1/2c shortening for a half hour, then grate it into 2.5c flour (plus a pinch of salt). Gradually add tablespoons of ice water until you get a good dough.

Mint Strawberry Oreo Cupcakes

I made these cupcakes with a handful of ingredients for a store meeting I attended recently. It’s always nice to have an excuse for cupcakes.

Cake: Curdle 1.5c almond milk with 1tbsp of apple cider vinegar - whisk together and let stand a few minutes. Meanwhile, whisk together 2c flour, 1c sugar, 2tsp baking powder, 1/2tsp baking soda, and 1/2tsp salt. In a separate bowl, heat 1/2c coconut oil until liquid, and mix with curdled milk and a little over a teaspoon of vanilla extract. Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients, and toss in a handful of mushed strawberries. Bake at 350 for 15 or so minutes.

Icing: Beat together 1/2c of margarine with 1/2c of shortening. Add 3c powdered sugar, vanilla extract, 1/4c soymilk, however many shots of peppermint Schnapps you wish and however many crushed Oreos you wish.

Top with sliced strawberries and mini Oreos. Duh.

Herb-Crusted Pumpkin Seitan with White Bean Sage Gravy

I have loved using the Vegan Month of Food as an excuse to spend more time cooking, so I figured I’d break my No Decadent Meals Back to Back rule to celebrate (and just in time for Vegan Pumpkin Share. Give me a job; I’m an efficient gal.)

I wanted to avoid something I’ve done a hundred times, but the colder temperatures mean harsher bike rides (and thanks, Sandy, for the gusts of wind) so I was wanting comfort food today. Pictured above are baked slices of herb-crusted pumpkin seitan loaf, covered in a white bean sage gravy, served with mashed sweet potatoes and French style green beans. All local veggies here thanks to those sweet little endearing progressive pockets of Bowling Green that make local veggies accessible. Who knew?

The sweet taters and green beans were divine and substantive enough, of course. But anyone who can figure out how to turn on a stove can probably figure those out without too much trepidation. Here’s a quick and dirty run-down of those bad boys:

Sweet taters

Ride your bicycle to the local farmer’s market. Pretend to be super hip on the ride there, and don’t let anyone know you’re secretly listening to Katy Perry in your headphones, because you are headed to the farmer’s market after all. Find you a nice and dirty sweet potato. Pay for it using food stamps. Keep these nestled in your homestead in a cool, dry place for up to a month - but make sure not to wash them until you’re ready to cook them. They keep much longer with all the earthy goodies stuck to their skin. When ready to cook, wash and skin your taters. Cube, dice, or otherwise chop into small pieces and toss into boiling water. Reduce heat after 5 minutes, then simmer for around 12 more minutes or however long it takes to get those suckers mushy. Drain and mash, then add the good stuff while still hot. For one potato, I added about 1T Earth Balance, 1T brown sugar, 1t cinnamon, and 1/2t maple syrup. Done!

Ok so maybe that was more unnecessarily rambling than “quick and dirty,” but we will strive for brevity on the green beans. Blanch those suckers for 3 minutes and then sauté them in a dollop of Earth Balance for another 2. Add minced garlic to your liking.

And now for the the main dish: baked pumpkin seitan. If you have never made homemade seitan before, don’t let it intimidate you. When that happens, they win. I like making seitan on a Sunday when I’m getting back on defense for the week, doing laundry or getting lost in a wikipedia hole, because it requires non-invasive, staggered attention and does take a minute to cook. But when it’s finished, it’s a nice thing to have ready in your fridge for the week, for those days when you wake up late for work and have to run out the door with shoes, bra and toothbrush in hand. (My favorite recipe for lunch-meat style seitan is from Vegan Dad, whose life constantly blows my mind.)

Now is a good time to mention, I suppose, that this recipe requires a good deal ofcooked, puréed pumpkin. I like to prepare mine as follows: scoop out pumpkin seeds and stringy stuff, then cube the pumpkin for boiling. Boil the pieces with the skin on, on medium for 20 minutes. Remove from heat, drain, and separate the pulp from the skin. Mash with a tater masher or dump into your food processor if you have a live-in housemaid who is willing to wash your processor parts before you need it again in a few minutes, or unless you recently got married and have unoriginal friends who all had the same gift idea.

Ok! Seitan time. Gather your ingredients and we can start. Here’s what you’ll need:

3/4C cooked, puréed pumpkin
2C vital wheat gluten
1/4C canola oil
1/4C soy milk
Spice mix: 2T cinnamon, 1T nutmeg, 1/2T ground cloves, 1t turmeric, 1/4t sage, 1/4t braggs, 1/4t onion powder.

Whisk together spice mixture in a big bowl. Add wet ingredients, then add wheat gluten and knead for a few minutes. Shape into a nice pretty (right?!) loaf and wrap generously in aluminum foil. Twist on the ends like a big ol’ tootsie roll and steam for 50 minutes. Make sure to keep adding water, which (apparently) evaporates over time and may lead to you having to purchase your roommate (who unfortunately has nicer taste than you) a new pot. Just saying.

After steaming, bake at 400 for 30 minutes. Voila!

Here is the fun part: Once that little ball of joy is done baking itself into chewy, dense goodness, remove the foil and slice into sweet little 1-inch disks. These can be stored in the fridge for a week. They also freeze quite well. But enough small talk! Now is the time to prepare for battering!

Ok. Let me back up a minute. While you were steaming and/or baking your seitan loaf might have been the best time to prepare for the battering. But seeing as though this seitain loaf could/should be prepared far in advance, I’ll let you adhere to whatever timeline you want. You’re welcome.

First you’ll need something to batter them in. In a food processor, process 1/2C cashews, 1/4C water, 1/4C almond milk and 1C cooked pumpkin. Add 1t cinnamon and 1/2t black pepper. Combine until mixed.

For the coating: combine 1C panko crumbs, 1/4C bread crumbs, 1/2C chopped almonds, 2T crushed bay leaves and 1T oregano.

Dip seitan slices in batter, then toss in crust mixture. Bake at 475 for 15 minutes.

While that mess is baking its little heart out prepare ze gravy. Sauté 1/4C of verrrrrry finely chopped mushrooms in olive oil for 5 minutes in a small saucepan. Meanwhile, in a food processor, process 1/2C cooked white beans with 1/2C almond milk. Add this mixture to the mushrooms. Cook on low, gradually adding sprinkles of flour (and more almond milk if needed) until you reach desired consistency. (You know what’s up.) Spice with 1/2t rubbed sage, salt and pepper to taste.

Cover patties with gravy shortly after removing them from the oven. Sit on the back porch and enjoy with a pumpkin spice cocktail (if you’re into that sort of novelty like myself), and listen to NPR talk about nothing but Sandy in the northeast for hours, enjoying the Bowling Green sunshine.

Cashew Curry Tofu

Curry is my favorite dish IN the world. Normally I use a canned paste or make my own, but this one was a lazy curry so I just used curry powder.

Heat rice to a roiling boil then cover and simmer. Meanwhile, sauté onions and garlic until translucent. Add diced potatoes and cover, let simmer 15 minutes. Add lightly fried tofu (fatty!) and stir a few minutes. Add half a can (or however much you’re in the mood for), of coconut milk, raisins, cashews and curry powder. Cover and simmer another 15 minutes. Serve hot over rice.

Drop Biscuits and Sage Gravy

Biscuits and gravy is my all-time favorite breakfast dish. This one is just a simple flour gravy made with tempeh sausage.

Biscuits: Sift 2c flour, 5tsp baking powder, 1tsp salt. Cut in 3tbsp shortening and 3tbsp margarine until crumbly. Mix in a little less than a cup of soymilk until your dough is soft. Roll out flat and cut with a glass. Bake at 450 for 15 minutes.

Gravy: So easy! Heat soymilk on medium low. Add sage, salt and pepper, and paprika. Gradually sprinkle in handfuls of flour until gravy is thick. Add tempeh sausage crumbles and stir on low heat until ready for serve.

Tempeh crumbles: In a small pan, crumble in tempeh and add enough water to almost cover it. Simmer on medium until most of the water is absorbed, about 10-15 minutes. Drain and mix on medium heat, adding a little oil and a spice mix of fennel, basil, oregano, red pepper flakes, sage, paprika, minced garlic and a little Braggs. Cook until lightly browned.