Thanksgiving Pizza

Ok, fine. It’s no longer week of Thankscooking. But I just now got around to uploading the belle of the ball this year, due in part to all the prep work that went into this dish. That, with all the traveling, may have stalled the imminent arrival of THANKSGIVING MEGA PIZZA.

That’s right, ladies. I give you Thanksgiving mega pizza. Rather than post a full recipe, I’ll just let you figure this one out on your own if you’re man enough. It was truly delicious and I am still rationing myself leftovers daily. Here’s what we have going on in this Thanksgiving Mega Pizza:

pizza dough from scratch (Isa’s recipe, found here)
orange pomegranate cranberry sauce - recipe found here
garlicky kale - chopped kale tossed in olive oil and garlic
thinly sliced sweet potatoes
rosemary mushroom seitan - recipe found here
roasted brocooli

Oh, yes ma’am. Happy Thanksgiving to me.

Now let the Christmas cooking begin!

Rosemary Mushroom Seitan Loaf

This is one of those will-not-be-so-interesting-because-my-computer-just-crashed-and-this-is-my-second-time-writing-this-and-I-am-frustrated-by-my-techonological-incompetency sort of posts. So I’ll skip the anecdote about my brother’s snarky comments regarding this rosemary mushroom seitan and move on.

If you’ve never made seitan before, it does take a certain about of practice to get the timing just right. If it comes out a little tough, make sure you don’t leave it sitting around forever if you’re planning on using it for, oh I don’t know, a MEGA THANKSGIVING PIZZA.

Here’s the spice mix you’ll need:
1 tsp salt
1.5 tsp onion powder
1/2 tsp paprika
1/2 tsp garlic powder
a dash of turmeric
1 tsp sage
1/2 tsp pepper
2 tsp rosemary

There’s your spice mix. Go ahead and mix it all together, then gather the rest of your ingredients:

2 tbl oliv oil
1/2 cup mushrooms, chopped
1 cup water
1 and 1/4 cup vital wheat gluten

Add the spice mix to the wheat gluten and mix well. Then stir in the mushrooms, and finally add the remaining wet ingredients. It won’t be long before your loaf takes shape, and that’s when you will remember that you’re out of aluminum foil. So get on your bicycle and ride to Kroger’s (pronounced KROD-jers), buy 75 feet of foil and come back home. Your loaf has been waiting patiently to be wrapped in literally hundreds of layers of foil.

Ok, hundreds of layers are not necessary. But you’ll definitely need copious amounts of foil here. Wrap that shit up like a Tootsie Roll. Including the part where you twist the sides. Literally like a Tootsie Roll. Like a giant vegan rosemary mushroom Tootsie Roll.

Now it’s time to steam. Steam your Tootsie Roll for 50 minutes. Then, bake at 350 for a half hour. Slice and serve cold on a sammich, or grill, or throw at your friends, or put on a MEGA THANKSGIVING PIZZA, or otherwise do anything with this loaf that you might do with meat.

Herb-Crusted Pumpkin Seitan with White Bean Sage Gravy

I have loved using the Vegan Month of Food as an excuse to spend more time cooking, so I figured I’d break my No Decadent Meals Back to Back rule to celebrate (and just in time for Vegan Pumpkin Share. Give me a job; I’m an efficient gal.)

I wanted to avoid something I’ve done a hundred times, but the colder temperatures mean harsher bike rides (and thanks, Sandy, for the gusts of wind) so I was wanting comfort food today. Pictured above are baked slices of herb-crusted pumpkin seitan loaf, covered in a white bean sage gravy, served with mashed sweet potatoes and French style green beans. All local veggies here thanks to those sweet little endearing progressive pockets of Bowling Green that make local veggies accessible. Who knew?

The sweet taters and green beans were divine and substantive enough, of course. But anyone who can figure out how to turn on a stove can probably figure those out without too much trepidation. Here’s a quick and dirty run-down of those bad boys:

Sweet taters

Ride your bicycle to the local farmer’s market. Pretend to be super hip on the ride there, and don’t let anyone know you’re secretly listening to Katy Perry in your headphones, because you are headed to the farmer’s market after all. Find you a nice and dirty sweet potato. Pay for it using food stamps. Keep these nestled in your homestead in a cool, dry place for up to a month - but make sure not to wash them until you’re ready to cook them. They keep much longer with all the earthy goodies stuck to their skin. When ready to cook, wash and skin your taters. Cube, dice, or otherwise chop into small pieces and toss into boiling water. Reduce heat after 5 minutes, then simmer for around 12 more minutes or however long it takes to get those suckers mushy. Drain and mash, then add the good stuff while still hot. For one potato, I added about 1T Earth Balance, 1T brown sugar, 1t cinnamon, and 1/2t maple syrup. Done!

Ok so maybe that was more unnecessarily rambling than “quick and dirty,” but we will strive for brevity on the green beans. Blanch those suckers for 3 minutes and then sauté them in a dollop of Earth Balance for another 2. Add minced garlic to your liking.

And now for the the main dish: baked pumpkin seitan. If you have never made homemade seitan before, don’t let it intimidate you. When that happens, they win. I like making seitan on a Sunday when I’m getting back on defense for the week, doing laundry or getting lost in a wikipedia hole, because it requires non-invasive, staggered attention and does take a minute to cook. But when it’s finished, it’s a nice thing to have ready in your fridge for the week, for those days when you wake up late for work and have to run out the door with shoes, bra and toothbrush in hand. (My favorite recipe for lunch-meat style seitan is from Vegan Dad, whose life constantly blows my mind.)

Now is a good time to mention, I suppose, that this recipe requires a good deal ofcooked, puréed pumpkin. I like to prepare mine as follows: scoop out pumpkin seeds and stringy stuff, then cube the pumpkin for boiling. Boil the pieces with the skin on, on medium for 20 minutes. Remove from heat, drain, and separate the pulp from the skin. Mash with a tater masher or dump into your food processor if you have a live-in housemaid who is willing to wash your processor parts before you need it again in a few minutes, or unless you recently got married and have unoriginal friends who all had the same gift idea.

Ok! Seitan time. Gather your ingredients and we can start. Here’s what you’ll need:

3/4C cooked, puréed pumpkin
2C vital wheat gluten
1/4C canola oil
1/4C soy milk
Spice mix: 2T cinnamon, 1T nutmeg, 1/2T ground cloves, 1t turmeric, 1/4t sage, 1/4t braggs, 1/4t onion powder.

Whisk together spice mixture in a big bowl. Add wet ingredients, then add wheat gluten and knead for a few minutes. Shape into a nice pretty (right?!) loaf and wrap generously in aluminum foil. Twist on the ends like a big ol’ tootsie roll and steam for 50 minutes. Make sure to keep adding water, which (apparently) evaporates over time and may lead to you having to purchase your roommate (who unfortunately has nicer taste than you) a new pot. Just saying.

After steaming, bake at 400 for 30 minutes. Voila!

Here is the fun part: Once that little ball of joy is done baking itself into chewy, dense goodness, remove the foil and slice into sweet little 1-inch disks. These can be stored in the fridge for a week. They also freeze quite well. But enough small talk! Now is the time to prepare for battering!

Ok. Let me back up a minute. While you were steaming and/or baking your seitan loaf might have been the best time to prepare for the battering. But seeing as though this seitain loaf could/should be prepared far in advance, I’ll let you adhere to whatever timeline you want. You’re welcome.

First you’ll need something to batter them in. In a food processor, process 1/2C cashews, 1/4C water, 1/4C almond milk and 1C cooked pumpkin. Add 1t cinnamon and 1/2t black pepper. Combine until mixed.

For the coating: combine 1C panko crumbs, 1/4C bread crumbs, 1/2C chopped almonds, 2T crushed bay leaves and 1T oregano.

Dip seitan slices in batter, then toss in crust mixture. Bake at 475 for 15 minutes.

While that mess is baking its little heart out prepare ze gravy. Sauté 1/4C of verrrrrry finely chopped mushrooms in olive oil for 5 minutes in a small saucepan. Meanwhile, in a food processor, process 1/2C cooked white beans with 1/2C almond milk. Add this mixture to the mushrooms. Cook on low, gradually adding sprinkles of flour (and more almond milk if needed) until you reach desired consistency. (You know what’s up.) Spice with 1/2t rubbed sage, salt and pepper to taste.

Cover patties with gravy shortly after removing them from the oven. Sit on the back porch and enjoy with a pumpkin spice cocktail (if you’re into that sort of novelty like myself), and listen to NPR talk about nothing but Sandy in the northeast for hours, enjoying the Bowling Green sunshine.

Simple Lunch Meat

Seitan lunch meat: a rough guesstimate.

Mix 1/2c smushed white beans, 1c water, and a bit of oil with this eyeballed, follow-your-heart spice mixture: salt, paprika, onion powder, garlic powder, turmeric, ground fennel, sage, pepper, soy sauce. Mix with 1c and some change of vital wheat gluten. Shape into loaf, wrap generously in aluminum foil, and steam in veggie steamer for 1 hour. Then bake at 350 for another 45 minutes. Voila!