Smoky Midnight Mac

I know the title of this entry may feel misleading, but this post will in no way involve any scandalous stories about strip clubs or biker bars. At least none that I have planned.

Y'all I gotta say that I LOVE mac 'n' cheese. Macncheese? Man and cheese. Mac n' cheese? Mac n cheese. There are too many terrible ways to spell that and none of them look right. Point is, I love mac n cheese. I used to make the blue box on the daily when I was living at home. I remember having to write an instructional how-to essay for Mrs. Horne in 7th grade, and I of course neglected this elementary assignment on the grounds that I had more important things to do, like jump on the trampoline or read Harry Potter. So the next day in homeroom I whipped out this excellent essay on how to make mac n cheese - FROM MEMORY. Prophetic?

Actually. Considering how often I throw together (hopefully accurate) recipes for my blog from memory, I'd say that particular memory is creepily prophetic.

God I love mac n cheese. Ok let's get started with this one, because it's lovely and simple and delicious, Here's what you'll need (serves 2):

a normal amount of pasta

2 veggie dogs, sliced lengthwise

1.5 Cup chopped kale

1 Tbl olive oil

1 Tbl smoked paprika

1 tsp chili powder

1 tsp black pepper

1 tsp sea salt

2 tsp turmeric

1/2 Cup nutritional yeast flakes

1 Cup soy creamer

1/2 Cup almond milk

Begin with preparing your pasta, because your sauce will be done by the time it's finished. 

In a small skillet, toss your sliced veggie dogs in olive oil in medium-high heat until a little crispy. Set aside.

In a sauce pot, heat the olive oil over medium for a half a minute, then toss in your kale. Saute on medium for about 2-3 minutes, or until totally wilted. Add the paprika, chili powder, salt and pepper, turmeric and nutritional yeast and stir until incorporated. Slowly add the creamer, then top off with some almond milk. Whisk until fully mixed. Chop your crispy veggie dogs and toss these into the mix. Toss with pasta and BOOM.

King Ranch Casserole. Punk Ranch Casserole? Seven Ranch Casserole?

At some point last year I stumbled upon a photo of a vegan King Ranch Casserole on Instagram. Thinking that this concoction must somehow involve (magically vegan?) Cool Ranch Doritos, faux chicken, ranch dressing, cheese, Texan elbow greese, I screen shot that shit and put it on my list of Things to Create Someday.

As it turns out, the King Ranch Casserole does not, sadly, involve Doritos (though there is ample space for that modification should one choose), nor does it involve everyone's favorite MSG-induced addiction, ranch dressing. I did some research on this beast and stumbled upon the following description of the King Ranch Casserole from Texas Monthly magazine, which clearly I could not improve upon myself:

As far as anyone can tell, the recipe does not hail from the real King Ranch; how many yard birds have you seen in photos of that majestic spread? More likely it's a Junior League attempt at chilaquiles or a Texas take on chicken a la king. And though it is a member in good standing of the condensed-soup canon, those bland, oddly comforting Gerber-invoking turkey tetrazzinis and tuna noodles simply cannot compete with the exotic King Ranch, whose lively Tex-Mex flavors - spicy chile powders, zesty roasted red peppers, earthy mushrooms - coalesce in one sublime, admittedly unattractive package. So lively are these flavors supposed to be, in fact, that I propose you ditch the cans (except for the wholly respectable Ro-Tel), and make this from-scratch verson... One bite of this "steaming mass of melted mush" (as this magazine once referred to the KRC) should put you right back in mom's kitchen - and not in your high chair.

Pretty classic. So let's veganize it!

Vegetables to chop
1 onion
1 red bell pepper
1 green bell pepper
2 handfuls of mushrooms
4 green chiles, roasted and peeled (with stems and seeds discarded)

Spices
5 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
1/2 tsp chili powder
1 tsp salt
1 tsp black pepper

Other stuff
tortillas - depending on the size of your dish, probably about 18
1 can Ro-Tel (this is the tomatoes and chiles that your mother uses to make cheese bomb Ro-Tel dip)
3/4 Cup flour
3 Cups vegetable stock
1/2 Cup soy creamer
1 package cheddar style Daiya cheese
1 package mozzerlla style Daiya cheese
1/2 Cup Earth Balance

(This is the part where I say first thing's first - preheat your oven to 350)

So first off you'll want to start with a celebratory cheap Texan beer. But since you can't get lone star in Kentucky, just crack open a PBR as you heat the butter in a large pan over medium heat. Turn the heat down to medium low and saute for about 5-7 minutes. Then add the spices and stir until the onions are evenly coated. Now add the flour - just a handful at a time - and stir continually. Once the flour doesn't look like flour, whisk in the stock, just 1 cup at a time. Then add the creamer and Ro-Tel and give it a good stir to make sure everything is incorporated. Remove from heat and set aside.

Now here's where we build the casserole. Some recipes will have you hold onto a little bit of stock so as to soak the tortillas, but I skipped this step and my casserole still turned out fine. I suppose though, now in hindsight, that this may have been a brilliant idea.

Anyhow, grab a casserole dish grease the bottom on the pan with butter. Now line the bottom with tortillas - make sure they overlap one another. Next, pour about half of the pepper-mushroom-flour sauce over the tortillas. Sprinkle half the mozzerella to cover. Add a second layer of tortillas, then more sauce, then the reamaining mozz. Finish with a final layer or tortillas and THE WHOLE DANG PACKAGE of cheddar Daiya.

Let this thing cook for about 45min-1hr. Until it's casserole ready. You know what that means. All brown and bubbly on top. Let it sit roughly 10 minutes before serving because ouch.

This post dedicated to the ranch-style home I lived in this time last year. Big shoutout to ranch homes everywhere. 

Sausage Egg and Cheese McMuffins and ALSO VEGAN MOFO KICKOFF

Ladies, it's here. The month I always look forward to each year, in my long and storied history of veganism.

Which is nearing two years by the way, so I will now confess to you that only last year I discovered VeganMofo's existence, and THIS year I decided to participate. I figured blogging every day for a month wouldn't be too difficult but clearly I have already blown it by failing to post on the very first day. #theveryfirstday

So getting off to a great start. What is Vegan Mofo, you may ask? Is the the scary-looking, pleather-jacket-wearing biker dude with face tattoos at your neighborhood bar who will slash your tires for eating fried chicken? The name of Isa Chandra's pet bulldog? The newest vegan video game where you ninja-style destroy the owners of confined animal feeding operations and set free herds of cattle into the streets of southside Chicago?

Sorry, those are all good guesses, internet, but Vegan Mofo is the month of the year when we all come together as a vegan blogging community and celebrate our commitment to the lifestyle, our good jokes, our recipes and stories, our collective sass and our individual struggles. Like WHAT IN HELL in an OPML file?

Check out more at VeganMofo.com, where you can get a complete list of all the participating blogs and stare at cool vegetable cartoons and get altogether lost in a world of vegan internetness.

SO let me "start off" by apologizing for the run-on nature of this post. I haven't even started the real recipe yet but I've already started to notice. I attribute this completely to my recent massive intake of John Green videos. He's the sort of person whose vlog style is all about talking and talking and talking and occasionally switching viewpoints but never speeds, really, which I find incredibly endearing and thus I have subconsciously taken up certain mannerisms of his. As you can see.

In a related note, if you aren't familiar with the Vlog Brothers, here's a thing that could possibly change your world.

Speaking of changing your world, on to the McMuffin.

At first I thought that I wouldn't really call this a "recipe post" so much as a "post where there's a pretty picture and I show you how to make a sandwich." But then I decided that the eggish tofu was a big win for me, and let's face it not everyone "knows" how to "make a sandwich."

Also it's worth noting that I enjoyed this sandwich so much that I stole my brunch companion's half-finished sandwich when he was in the bathroom and finished it in 20 seconds.

Here's the stuff to get for this fantastic hangover companion:

English muffins (ALERT. I know we're all adults and we are pretty good at checking labels and reading ingredients, but be aware that English muffins are rarely vegan. It's strange, I know, but most contain whey at the very least.)
a tomato, sliced
cheese  (I used Daiya havarti-style wedge, sliced. Literally yum.)
1/4 block extra firm, pressed tofu
1/4 Cup soy creamer
1/4 Cup nutritional yeast flakes
1 tsp turmeric
salt and pepper to taste
1/2 pack of sausage (I used gimme lean)
2 Tbl pure maple syrup
1 tsp red pepper flakes

See how easy that list is? Nothing scary and foreign, just mostly some good old grocery store corporate vegan food. :)

The assembly is fairly straightforward, right? You've got your cheese. You've got your tomato. The tofu is supposed to be the quote "egg" part and the maple sausage part is, well, the sausage part. Let's talk about the tofu.

First, slice your tofu pretty thin. Next, in a small bowl, whisk together the creamer, nutritional yeast and turmeric. Salt and pepper to taste. Prepare a small skillet with a dabble of vegetable oil, and heat on medium high. Dip your tofu slices in the creamy nooch mixture, then fry on medium high until golden brownish on each side. Voila egg life.

The sausage is easy too. Using your fingers, mash together the maple syrup and pepper flakes with the sausage. Pat these into patties and pan fry like you're supposed to. Like.. medium? In a skillet?

There you have it. Now crack open a PBR and let's get this crazy party month started!!

Philly Cheesesteak Rollups

Sometimes you just want comfort food and you don't want to spend an hour making it. These cheesy, meaty, mushroom yrolls are super delicious, take 20 minutes and totally fill that "I'm slightly hungover and have been doing yard work all morning and all I need is something greasy and filling to pair with this hair-of-the-dog" craving. We all feel it. Don't lie.

Like, have you ever wanted to make taquitos, but needed something a little more... thick? And also you were out of tortillas? Me too, sister. Grab this stuff! It's easy! [Serves 2]

(Also might now be a good time to mention that these taste AWESOME)

7 or 8 slices of bread (it doesn't matter what kind... I used whole wheat?)

a little bit of olive oil for grilling

one package of Daiya mozzarella style cheese

half a pound of store-bought seitan, sliced

5 white mushrooms, diced

1/4 green bell pepper, minced

1 Tbl Braggs liquid aminos 

First, prepare the bread. Cut the crust off the slices (you can save these for croutons!) Using a rolling pin or a relatively flat glass, roll out the bread until they are as thin and flat as you can make them. Set these aside.

In a small pan, heat one tablespoon of olive oil on medium low heat. After about one minute, increase the heat to medium-high and toss in the peppers. Stir for about one minute, then add the mushrooms. Cook for about 2 more minutes, stirring frequently. Remove from heat and place in a bowl to cool.

Return that same pan to heat and add the Braggs liquid aminos. Swirl it around the pan a time or two and add the sliced seitan. Stir fry on medium-high heat for about 2 or 3 minutes. (This might be a good time to prepare the dipping sauce. See below for the recipe!)

Once the seitan is finished, remove from heat and set aside. Now it's time to assemble!

First, grab a big pan and heat some olive oil (enough to coat the pan) over medium heat. One by one, lay out the slices of flattened bread. Spread mozzarella cheese across the slice. Carefully pile the mushroom and pepper mix near the back of the bread. Lay two or three seitan slices across the mushrooms and peppers. Delicately roll the bread up, making sure all the good stuff stays in. This can be tricky, but remember - you are an artist.

Once you roll one up, place it fold-down on the heated pan. Grill for a couple minutes, then flip over and finish the other side. You'll know when they are finished if you've ever been to Taco Bell.

Here's the recipe for the sauce (www.thebomb.com)

1/3 Cup non-dairy sour cream

2 Tbl chili garlic sauce

1 Tbl hot sauce

garnish with black pepper

Hell yeah!

Childhood Nostalgia Stuffed Crust Pizza with Mac & Cheese, Fried Pickles and Ranch Drizzle

WOAH IT'S VEGAN PIZZA DAY MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY.

To celebrate, I literally ate nothing but vegan pizza today. No lie - after work, I went to Mellow Mushroom for lunch (one of the very few vegan friendly spots in Bowling Green) and ordered a small pizza with tempeh, Daiya, kalamata olives and mushrooms. Bomb! Thank you Mellow Mushroom for allowing me to eat vegan pizza ALL DAY.

AND THEN for dinner I prepared the following pit-zuh in celebration of this beautiful, meaningful holiday. If I may, I'd like for you to read this post with your eyes and also with your heart - to get our country back to its roots and to recognize the TRUE meaning of Vegan Pizza Day. It's not about buying the most expensive gift or decorating your house with the biggest light show on the block or throwing the biggest holiday party with A-list guests. It's about... well... GOD BLESS AMERICA.

This pizza is all about nostalgia. It ties together a few of my absolute favorite things from childhood (and let's be real - I can devour these dishes in no time as an adult as well) - macaroni and cheese, fried pickles, ranch, and STUFFED CRUST.

As we all know, by now, homemade pizza dough is a labor of love. I have nothing significant to add to Isa Chandra's dough recipe so I will let you find that on your own. Spoiler alert! - the thesis of dough recipes is usually this - dough making/stretching/mixing is an art. It's simple enough - mix some yeast and sugar and water with some flour, cover it in oil, let it rest, stretch it out, kneed it out, let it rest some more, kneed it some more. But it is all about the feeling. Any seasoned pro (i.e. someone who has made dough more than once) can tell you - it's about your technique.

While your dough is resting (as there is plenty of this involved - believe me), first prepare your fried pickles. The biggest challenge in making these is abstaining from eating each one as you pull them out of the fryer. For one, this will burn you. Also, you won't have any fried pickles left to top your pizza. How embarrassing!!!! 

For this you will need:

However many pickles you want to fry - I use the hamburger dill kind 

1 1/2 Cup all purpose flour

2 Tbl cornstarch

1 tsp black pepper

1 tsp egg replacer powder

1 tsp paprika

1 Cup almond milk (or your preferred non-dairy milk of choice)

Whisk together all the dry ingredients in a small bowl. Pour the almond milk in another small bowl.

Fill a heavy cast iron skillet or other high-heat pan with vegetable oil about halfway, or about 2 inches below the top of the pan. Heat the oil on medium-high heat and wait a bit.

To prepare the pickles, simply dip them in the milk, then the flour mixture and set aside. As a general frying rule of thumb, always toss in a small piece of batter as a test before frying your main dish. If the small bit begins frying immediately, then your oil is hot enough. If not, wait a little longer.

Fry your pickles in small batches of four or five to avoid them clumping together. Remove with a fork or other slotted utensil and place on a paper towel to dry. These can sit and relax until you are ready for your pizza. If, of course, you resist temptation. Again, let me emphasize that this is THE most difficult part of assembling the nostalgia pizza.

Oh look at that - you still have some resting time for your dough?????!! How shall we pass the time? Watch a few Friends episodes? Read a Billy Collins poem? Walk to your corner bar for a pint of the good stuff? Consider overpopulation? Or perhaps we could, oh I don't know, make some MAC N CHEESE.

Now the easy option here would be to purchase some store bought mac n cheese. This will work in a pinch, of course. When I am feeling lazy/hungover/crampy I indulge in Amy's gluten free mac n cheeze, which beats any store bought product I've personally encountered. The problem with using store bought mac and cheese with this pizza, though, is that you have little to no control over the amount of sauce, which will become crucial in the baking stage.

SO, put on your big girl panties because it doesn't take THAT much effort to prepare your own sauce. Plus it's VEGAN PIZZA DAY so like I said earlier, don't lose sight of the Reason for the Season.

Here's what you'll need:

macaroni elbows
4 Cups vegetable broth
2 Tbl lemon juice
1 Tbl Earth Balance
2 Tbl olive oil
1/2 Cup flour
1 tsp salt
1 tsp garlic powder
2 tsp black pepper
a couple pinches of dried thyme, crumbled in your fingers
1 tsp turmeric
1 1/2 -2 Cups nutritional yeast
1 Tbl yellow mustard

Prepare the mararoni according to the directions on the package if you're a dummy or if you're not a dummy prepare the macaroni according to how normal humans prepare pasta. There's no crucial time frame for this so you can cook your pasta while gathering sauce ingredients, or mixing a cooking cocktail or finding the perfect Pandora station to cook to. When it's done, drain and set aside.

In a medium saucepan, heat your veggie stock over medium heat until it comes to an easy boil. Add the lemon juice, olive oil and Earth Balance and reduce to medium-low heat. Gently stir in the flour, salt, garlic powder, pepper, thyme and turmeric and cook for a 2 minutes, stirring frequently. Now add the nutritional yeast about a half cup at a time, stirring constantly to incorporate.

At this point, the sauce may bubble up on you. Watch out! Cover your face! Wear safety goggles! Or some hip Ray Bans or something.

Either way, once your nooch is all in, reduce the sauce to low heat and stir in the mustard - the crown jewel of any American dish. Stir a few more minutes until your heart is satisfied and remove from heat.

Set aside 1 cup of the sauce. Stir the rest in with your macaroni elbows and marvel at the beauty of humanity. If your mac and cheese is a little saucy - don't panic. This will be helpful to you in the end due to the wizardly habits of ovens and their tendency to dry things out.

Now is it time to assemble the pizza??? Yes. It is that time now. First! Heat your oven mega hot. (I do mine at 500. 475 or 450 is also acceptable.)

Let's prepare the crust. Toss your dough and make it work for you (I suggest turning on some Ru Paul for this piece). To make a stuffed crust, it works exactly as you think it will - stretch it out a little past the pan to have a little excess for rolling over. Line the edges with mozzorella Daiya cheese and fold the excess dough over.

Now, take that one cup of cheese sauce and spread it evenly over your pizza. Next, pile on the mac and cheese. Top with fried pickles. Brush the crust with melted Earth Balance and stick that guy in the oven for 18-20 minutes, checking back occasionally via the oven light but NOT via opening the door and gazing at your creation like a dumbass letting all the heat out for 20 seconds.

While your pizza is baking, prepare the easy peasy ranch sauce. Vegan ranch is no secret, nor is it too difficult to assemble. Here's a recipe I found on about.com that seems to work well for me:

1 Cup veganaise
1/4 Cup soymilk
1 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp onion powder
1/4 tsp black pepper
2 tsp parsley
1 tsp apple cider vinegar
1/4 tsp dried dill

Whisk all ingredients together and THE END. I like the store mine in a squirt bottle for easy garnishing. It keeps about a week or two if you're brave. #upthepunx

When your pizza is done, remove from the oven, let cool, drizzle with ranch and enjoy with a PBR to celebrate your adulthood and remember this magical holiday that only comes once a year.

Cheesy Broccoli Pi with Chili Lime Tofu in Herbed Crust

It's Pi Day, Pi Day, gotta get down on Pi Day. This pi was a labor of love but so, so very worth it. So hunker down and drink some water and pay attention. I'll try to sprinkle a few jokes here and there to keep your attention but I can't promise they'll be gold medallion status because this one is a doozy.


First! Let's marinate some tofu! In order to get the tofu fully marinated, take care of this the night before (March 13, naturally). Here's what you'll need:

One package of well-pressed tofu
Juice from 2 limes
2 Tbl chili garlic sauce
1 tsp brown sugar
2 Tbl soy sauce

Whisk your marinade together in a small bowl. Slice the tofu into cubes and place in a shallow casserole dish. Pour the marinade over your tofu, cover with plastic wrap and place in the fridge overnight.


Next, and most importantly, prepare the crust the day you'll need it (March 14, naturally). Here's what you'll need for two full pie crusts:

3 cups all-purpose flour
2 Tbl sugar
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking powder
2/3 cup shortening
1/2 cup cold water, plus more as needed
4 tsp apple cider vinegar
4 Tbl thyme
4 Tbl basil

First I should point out that this crust recipe is almost an exact replica of the one provided by Isa Chandra in her book Veganomicon, a MUST for anyone even remotely interested in vegan cooking. I see no reason to "improve upon" her recipes, but experimenting with a few tweeks is always encouraged.

The secret to pi crust is keep everything as cold as possible. Vegan Dad even suggests freezing your shortening, then cutting it in as it slowly thaws.

In a large mixing bowl, mix together your dry ingredients. Gradually cut in the shortening bit by bit and mash into the flour with your fingers. Once you're finished, the mixture should be crumbly, pebbly and moist. Next, combine the vinegar and water and slowly add this to the dough. I add this mixture to the dough in a couple small batches, mixing the dough until it pinches together. If you need to, add a little more water until the dough holds.

Gather your dough and gently kneed it just a few times, until it holds together. Sprinkle a clean surface with flour and roll your dough out flat on it, then cover with plastic wrap and place in the fridge until you are ready to use it.

And since you're waiting on your crust to sit and gel, I know I promised some free jokes but I'd rather give you an Onion snippet than scrape the dredges of my own reservoir:

It's one of my favorites.

Now go search The Onion for all things Tim Duncan.

Now it's time to prepare the filling! Gather all yo shit and let's get choppin:

3 cloves minced garlic
Roughly 10 medium sized mushrooms or 1 Cup chopped mushrooms
1 Cup chopped broccoli
1 Tbl olive oil
1 tsp salt
1/4 Cup Braggs liquid aminos
1 Cup nutritional yeast
1/4 Cup almond milk (or your preferred nondairy milk of choice)
2 Tbl flour
splashes of water as needed

Heat a large pan on medium, then add the olive oil and heat it until you can see the currents (roughly half a minute). Add the garlic and cook it for about a minute - just long enough to release the aromas but not long enough to overcook it. Next, add your broccoli and cook for about 5 minutes. Then add the Braggs, salt, and mushrooms and cook an additional 3 minutes, stirring regularly. Next, gradually add the nutritional yeast a few tablespoons at a time, and stir to evenly coat the veggies. Then slowly add the almond milk and stir.

Here is where you'll need to monitor your mix and make sure it thickens properly. As it cooks, stir continually and gradually add the water/flour based on how thick you want it. Do this for about 5 minutes, uncovered, then remove from heat.

Oh here is the part where you have forgotten to preheat your oven, so go ahead and heat your oven to 350 while you prepare your pi crust.

Now let's build the pi! Take your crust out of the fridge and slice it in half. Roll out both halves on a clean, flour-dusted surface. Press one half into a pi dish to prepare the outer crust, and set aside the other half for the top.

Lay out the marinated tofu on the bottom of the pi crust to build your bottom layer. Next, pour your mushroom/broccoli mix over the tofu, then lay the remaining crust over the top. And obviously here is where you can feel free to design your Pi Day crust as you see fit. Brush with melted Earth Balance and bake for 45-55 minutes, or until the crust is golden and the filling is bubbling.

As always, thanks to sous-chef Travis for going the extra mile to model this pi!

Happy Pi Day!