Philly Cheesesteak Rollups

Sometimes you just want comfort food and you don't want to spend an hour making it. These cheesy, meaty, mushroom yrolls are super delicious, take 20 minutes and totally fill that "I'm slightly hungover and have been doing yard work all morning and all I need is something greasy and filling to pair with this hair-of-the-dog" craving. We all feel it. Don't lie.

Like, have you ever wanted to make taquitos, but needed something a little more... thick? And also you were out of tortillas? Me too, sister. Grab this stuff! It's easy! [Serves 2]

(Also might now be a good time to mention that these taste AWESOME)

7 or 8 slices of bread (it doesn't matter what kind... I used whole wheat?)

a little bit of olive oil for grilling

one package of Daiya mozzarella style cheese

half a pound of store-bought seitan, sliced

5 white mushrooms, diced

1/4 green bell pepper, minced

1 Tbl Braggs liquid aminos 

First, prepare the bread. Cut the crust off the slices (you can save these for croutons!) Using a rolling pin or a relatively flat glass, roll out the bread until they are as thin and flat as you can make them. Set these aside.

In a small pan, heat one tablespoon of olive oil on medium low heat. After about one minute, increase the heat to medium-high and toss in the peppers. Stir for about one minute, then add the mushrooms. Cook for about 2 more minutes, stirring frequently. Remove from heat and place in a bowl to cool.

Return that same pan to heat and add the Braggs liquid aminos. Swirl it around the pan a time or two and add the sliced seitan. Stir fry on medium-high heat for about 2 or 3 minutes. (This might be a good time to prepare the dipping sauce. See below for the recipe!)

Once the seitan is finished, remove from heat and set aside. Now it's time to assemble!

First, grab a big pan and heat some olive oil (enough to coat the pan) over medium heat. One by one, lay out the slices of flattened bread. Spread mozzarella cheese across the slice. Carefully pile the mushroom and pepper mix near the back of the bread. Lay two or three seitan slices across the mushrooms and peppers. Delicately roll the bread up, making sure all the good stuff stays in. This can be tricky, but remember - you are an artist.

Once you roll one up, place it fold-down on the heated pan. Grill for a couple minutes, then flip over and finish the other side. You'll know when they are finished if you've ever been to Taco Bell.

Here's the recipe for the sauce (www.thebomb.com)

1/3 Cup non-dairy sour cream

2 Tbl chili garlic sauce

1 Tbl hot sauce

garnish with black pepper

Hell yeah!

Spicy Sweet Potato Fritters

Yes!!!!! Is there anything better than having the morning off and getting to make lunch at home??????

It's the little things, y'all.

IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS.

So these were delicious, and required a little more time than my typical quick lunch, but well worth it. The process is simple - dip slices in egg replacer, dip slices in flour mix, then fry in vegetable oil and nom nom nom nom.

Here's what you need if you're chopping up 1 sweet potato (feeds about 2-3 people):

2 cups flour
1/4 cup brown sugar
2 Tbl black pepper
2 Tbl red pepper flakes
2 tsp chili powder
1/4 tsp salt

So there are your dry ingredients for the batter. Sift these together and then prepare 4 egg replacer solutions. I use Ener-G Egg Replacer. Then, pour about 1/4 an inch of vegetable oil into a cast iron skillet, and heat on med-high while you slice your tater.

You'll need to slice your sweet potato pretty thin I did mine about 1/8 an inch. Once you have your slices, dip these in the egg replacer one at a time, then coat thoroughly in the dry flour mix. Toss these into the cast iron (NO wait don't actually toss these, because hot oil) one at a time, and fry until crispy golden brown.

Let dry on a paper towel.

I served mine with a jalapeño mustard sauce, made with yellow mustard, honey and pickled jalapeños. #yumtown

Roasted Parsnips with Candied Pepitas in Spicy Tahini Sauce

I had no idea what this was going to be, but I was so, so satisfied with what came out.

(thatswhatshesaid?)

Sorry. Anyway. I've had these parsnips hanging around like a newly divorced uncle for too long, so I knew I had to dress them up for a night on the town to meet some new friends. This was a rather silly endeavor, as these look rather fancy but the whole meal took less than a half-hour to prepare. Easy peasy! Uncle Bob's got a date, ladies!

First, roast your parsnips - this will take the longest time. Preheat your oven to 350 and melt about 2T of coconut oil. Slice the parsnips and toss in a small bowl with the coconut oil to completely coat them. Then place these in a roasting pan and throw them in the oven for about 10 minutes.

Next, prepare your rice. I used forbidden rice here, which has an marginally exotic taste and add color to any dish. I love forbidden rice, and it has just as much fiber as brown rice. ALSO IT'S BLACK. Mildly interesting, yes? So go ahead and boil that, covered, with 2 parts water to 1 part rice.

Now's a good time to mention - after the first ten minutes of roasting your parsnips, remove them from the oven, given them a good toss (wink), and stick them back in the oven for another ten minutes. Now let's get to the sauce. Here's what you'll need:

2 T tahini
1/4 C water
1 tsp miso paste
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1 T Braggs liquid aminos
1 tsp lemon juice
1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
1/2 T apple cider vinegar
1 T garlic chili sauce

This is a pretty easily-constructed sauce - over medium-low heat, add each ingredient one at a time, mixing each one until fully combined. Once fully mixed, keep on a simmer until the rest of your meal is ready.

If your parsnips, rice and sauce are ready, go ahead and prepare your pepitas. In a shallow bowl, mix a handful of pepitas (now is maybe a good time to mention that pepitas are just another name for pumpkin seeds - glad we had this discussion) with a couple of drops of pure maple syrup - just enough to fully coat each seed. Pour them into a roasting tin an broil for about 3 or 4 minutes.

This should absolutely be the last step, as the pepitas will stay in whatever the hell place you shape them too, once cooled. So plate your sauce, rice, and parsnips before removing the pepitas from the oven. Spoon them directly from the pan to the dish, where they will (soon, I promise) cool into a precious little pumpkin seed pile. How sweet.

Someone give me a treat for all the awful puns and innuendos today?

Spold Mac

One of my favorite restaurants in Portland is The Montage, located underneath the Morrison Bridge, just on the Southeast side of the city. It's a cajun spot with sassy servers, viking-style seating, dim lights and late hours. I love this place, and even more, I love their famous mac n' cheese dishes. So when I went vegan, I was a little bit sad (though eventually satisfied, to be honest) when ordering a black-eyed-pea salad at this spot.

Their most popular dishes are the Old Mac, the Spicy Mac, and the Spold Mac - a combination of both. I always order the Spold, so here's a veganized version of one of my favorite dishes ever. It's creamy, spicy, and super super nostalgic in just the right kind of mid-90's Portland sort of way.

3 cloves garic, minced
1/2 C cauliflower, chopped
1/2 C shredded carrots, chopped
1/2 package tempeh, cubed
1/2 tsp paprika
1/2 tsp oregano
salt and pepper to taste
1/4 C nutritional yeast
1/4 C soy sauce
2 T chili garlic sauce
1/4 C soy creamer

First, boil some pasta. I happened to have a mix of shells, rotini and macaroni and it was perfect. But I recognize this dish is indeed a mac dish, so feel free to just use elbows.

Meanwhile, saute your garlic, cauliflower, carrots and tempeh in olive oil, over medium-low heat for about 5 minutes. Then add your spices and nutritional yeast, and cook another two minutes.

Next, add your cooked pasta and toss with the veggies, stirring constantly for a minute or so to make sure the pasta is well mixed with the spice. Finally, reduce heat and add the soy sauce, chili garlic sauce and soy creamer, and simmer for another 5 minutes.

Enjoy with frog legs, alligator jambalaya and a Red Stripe beer! I mean. Or.

Buffalo Chicken Dip

I am already super insecure about this recipe so I'll go ahead and say first thing - processed ingredients alert!! Geee! ::hides in shame::

But it's so good, so here you go. Sigh. This is the first time I've ever uploaded a recipe with anything like vegan sour cream, but I think it is absolutely worth it, because we are all allowed cheats every once in a while, right? My friend Katherine says, "There are never absolutes."

This is a great dish to bring to a party or event where there will be lots of non-vegan-types around. It's super bad for you and super delicious. I took it to three holiday parties this year, and it got rave reviews by herbivores and omni's alike.

If you're still not convinced, I suggest you take a minute to imagine how floored your friends will be when you arrive at their Christmas party dressed as Sexy Penguin, holding a bowl of vegan buffalo chicken dip and a six-pack of Fat Tire. YOU WILL BE THE BELLE OF THE BALL. Trust me.

So here's what you'll need: (cringe)

2 T coconut oil
2 T minced garlic
1/4 C Earth Balance
1 Not Chick'n bouillon cube
1/2 C Tofutti cream cheese
1 C Tofutti sour cream
1/2 C soy creamer
1 C soy milk
1 bottle Franks Red Hot sauce or vegan buffalo sauce (many have butter so pay attention!)
1/4 C flour
2 tsp paprika
1 tsp black pepper

1 package of firm tofu, drained and pressed
1 C chopped walnuts


Preparation here is easy: Heat the coconut oil over medium-low heat until melted, then add garlic. Then, continue adding each ingredient one at a time, until melted and mixed well. Once you add the paprika, pulse the walnuts in a food processor until fine, almost powdery. Then, add the tofu to the processor and pulse until chunky. Add this mixture to the pot of sauce and cook another 10 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Garnish with celery, as if by some ridiculous logic that small amount of vegetable will somehow redeem anything you're doing today.

Sweet and Spicy Chicken and Waffles

Sometimes, a girl's just gotta eat some chicken and waffles, is what I always say. This meal might just be the tastiest thing I've ever made, but it also might be the biggest cop-out of a recipe I've ever posted on here. The chicken cutlets are based largely on Isa Chandra's chickpea cutlet recipe, which can be found at the always fabulous Post Punk Kitchen blog. But the tweaks I have made involve relatively processed ingredients, so indulge at your own risk.

These suckers don't take a lot of time but they are somewhat ingredient intensive. I don't know about you guys but when I read "prep time: 15 minutes," that generally means "searching for not-often-used-spices, spilling them on the floor, looking through the fridge and get distracted by cleaning out whatever the smell is time: 35 minutes." So gather your things first, stay focused, and remember: chicken and waffles. We can do this.

Here's what you'll need for the chicken (again, largely ganked from the PPK):

1 (16oz) can chickpeas, drained and rinsed
1/4 C olive oil
1 C vital wheat gluten
1 C breadcrumbs
1 Not Chicken bouillon cube dissolved in 1/2 C water (I used Edward on Sons, because sometimes they are on sale, you know, and they're not laced with anything horrific or scary)
1/4 C soy sauce
1 tsp dried thyme
1 tsp paprika
1/2 tsp rubbed sage

Pulse chickpeas in a food processor (or mash them with a fork.. or your fingers... or your mind?) then transfer to a mixing bowl. Add everything else and kneed together with your hands. Once they get stretchy and stringy, cut the dough in half, then in half again, then in half again, until you are satisfied with the size of your cutlets.

Fry each of these in a skillet in a small amount of olive oil for just a few minutes, then set aside to cool.

Once completely cooled, it's time to bread and fry! Here's what you'll need:

2 C soy milk
1 tsp apple cider vinegar
breading - this can be flour and your choice of spices, but I just unapoligetically used Kentucky Colonel
non-hydrogenated vegetable shortening

First, curdle your soy milk with the apple cider vinegar until completely mixed, and let sit for a minute. Once curdled, dip each cutlet (one at a time, slow down!) into the milk, let drip, then bread in the flour or other breading you've chosen. Set aside and heat up enough shortening in a cast iron skillet to cover the bottom, and about, oh, I don't know, 1/3 an inch of the side of the skillet.

So fry those suckers for about 5 minutes on each side, or until golden brown.

The waffle recipe is indeed my own, and is gluten free, but that's for another day. If you need to, I mean while you're at it and everything, go ahead and slap these guys on top of some store-bought frozen waffles. You really aren't losing much of yourself in this case. I mean store-bought frozen waffles are bomb. Really.

But the kale on bottom is crucial - saute some kale in a little olive oil for a few minutes, then add chili garlic sauce and continue cooking for another minute or too.

Also the syrup here - which is clutch! - was maple syrup mixed with whole pomegranate arils. This MAKES the dish, don't leave it out!

And needless to say, this dish goes perfectly with a midday PBR and a few hours of My Best Friend's Wedding.