Buffalo Chicken Dip

I am already super insecure about this recipe so I'll go ahead and say first thing - processed ingredients alert!! Geee! ::hides in shame::

But it's so good, so here you go. Sigh. This is the first time I've ever uploaded a recipe with anything like vegan sour cream, but I think it is absolutely worth it, because we are all allowed cheats every once in a while, right? My friend Katherine says, "There are never absolutes."

This is a great dish to bring to a party or event where there will be lots of non-vegan-types around. It's super bad for you and super delicious. I took it to three holiday parties this year, and it got rave reviews by herbivores and omni's alike.

If you're still not convinced, I suggest you take a minute to imagine how floored your friends will be when you arrive at their Christmas party dressed as Sexy Penguin, holding a bowl of vegan buffalo chicken dip and a six-pack of Fat Tire. YOU WILL BE THE BELLE OF THE BALL. Trust me.

So here's what you'll need: (cringe)

2 T coconut oil
2 T minced garlic
1/4 C Earth Balance
1 Not Chick'n bouillon cube
1/2 C Tofutti cream cheese
1 C Tofutti sour cream
1/2 C soy creamer
1 C soy milk
1 bottle Franks Red Hot sauce or vegan buffalo sauce (many have butter so pay attention!)
1/4 C flour
2 tsp paprika
1 tsp black pepper

1 package of firm tofu, drained and pressed
1 C chopped walnuts


Preparation here is easy: Heat the coconut oil over medium-low heat until melted, then add garlic. Then, continue adding each ingredient one at a time, until melted and mixed well. Once you add the paprika, pulse the walnuts in a food processor until fine, almost powdery. Then, add the tofu to the processor and pulse until chunky. Add this mixture to the pot of sauce and cook another 10 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Garnish with celery, as if by some ridiculous logic that small amount of vegetable will somehow redeem anything you're doing today.

Sweet and Spicy Chicken and Waffles

Sometimes, a girl's just gotta eat some chicken and waffles, is what I always say. This meal might just be the tastiest thing I've ever made, but it also might be the biggest cop-out of a recipe I've ever posted on here. The chicken cutlets are based largely on Isa Chandra's chickpea cutlet recipe, which can be found at the always fabulous Post Punk Kitchen blog. But the tweaks I have made involve relatively processed ingredients, so indulge at your own risk.

These suckers don't take a lot of time but they are somewhat ingredient intensive. I don't know about you guys but when I read "prep time: 15 minutes," that generally means "searching for not-often-used-spices, spilling them on the floor, looking through the fridge and get distracted by cleaning out whatever the smell is time: 35 minutes." So gather your things first, stay focused, and remember: chicken and waffles. We can do this.

Here's what you'll need for the chicken (again, largely ganked from the PPK):

1 (16oz) can chickpeas, drained and rinsed
1/4 C olive oil
1 C vital wheat gluten
1 C breadcrumbs
1 Not Chicken bouillon cube dissolved in 1/2 C water (I used Edward on Sons, because sometimes they are on sale, you know, and they're not laced with anything horrific or scary)
1/4 C soy sauce
1 tsp dried thyme
1 tsp paprika
1/2 tsp rubbed sage

Pulse chickpeas in a food processor (or mash them with a fork.. or your fingers... or your mind?) then transfer to a mixing bowl. Add everything else and kneed together with your hands. Once they get stretchy and stringy, cut the dough in half, then in half again, then in half again, until you are satisfied with the size of your cutlets.

Fry each of these in a skillet in a small amount of olive oil for just a few minutes, then set aside to cool.

Once completely cooled, it's time to bread and fry! Here's what you'll need:

2 C soy milk
1 tsp apple cider vinegar
breading - this can be flour and your choice of spices, but I just unapoligetically used Kentucky Colonel
non-hydrogenated vegetable shortening

First, curdle your soy milk with the apple cider vinegar until completely mixed, and let sit for a minute. Once curdled, dip each cutlet (one at a time, slow down!) into the milk, let drip, then bread in the flour or other breading you've chosen. Set aside and heat up enough shortening in a cast iron skillet to cover the bottom, and about, oh, I don't know, 1/3 an inch of the side of the skillet.

So fry those suckers for about 5 minutes on each side, or until golden brown.

The waffle recipe is indeed my own, and is gluten free, but that's for another day. If you need to, I mean while you're at it and everything, go ahead and slap these guys on top of some store-bought frozen waffles. You really aren't losing much of yourself in this case. I mean store-bought frozen waffles are bomb. Really.

But the kale on bottom is crucial - saute some kale in a little olive oil for a few minutes, then add chili garlic sauce and continue cooking for another minute or too.

Also the syrup here - which is clutch! - was maple syrup mixed with whole pomegranate arils. This MAKES the dish, don't leave it out!

And needless to say, this dish goes perfectly with a midday PBR and a few hours of My Best Friend's Wedding.