Sausage Egg and Cheese McMuffins and ALSO VEGAN MOFO KICKOFF

Ladies, it's here. The month I always look forward to each year, in my long and storied history of veganism.

Which is nearing two years by the way, so I will now confess to you that only last year I discovered VeganMofo's existence, and THIS year I decided to participate. I figured blogging every day for a month wouldn't be too difficult but clearly I have already blown it by failing to post on the very first day. #theveryfirstday

So getting off to a great start. What is Vegan Mofo, you may ask? Is the the scary-looking, pleather-jacket-wearing biker dude with face tattoos at your neighborhood bar who will slash your tires for eating fried chicken? The name of Isa Chandra's pet bulldog? The newest vegan video game where you ninja-style destroy the owners of confined animal feeding operations and set free herds of cattle into the streets of southside Chicago?

Sorry, those are all good guesses, internet, but Vegan Mofo is the month of the year when we all come together as a vegan blogging community and celebrate our commitment to the lifestyle, our good jokes, our recipes and stories, our collective sass and our individual struggles. Like WHAT IN HELL in an OPML file?

Check out more at VeganMofo.com, where you can get a complete list of all the participating blogs and stare at cool vegetable cartoons and get altogether lost in a world of vegan internetness.

SO let me "start off" by apologizing for the run-on nature of this post. I haven't even started the real recipe yet but I've already started to notice. I attribute this completely to my recent massive intake of John Green videos. He's the sort of person whose vlog style is all about talking and talking and talking and occasionally switching viewpoints but never speeds, really, which I find incredibly endearing and thus I have subconsciously taken up certain mannerisms of his. As you can see.

In a related note, if you aren't familiar with the Vlog Brothers, here's a thing that could possibly change your world.

Speaking of changing your world, on to the McMuffin.

At first I thought that I wouldn't really call this a "recipe post" so much as a "post where there's a pretty picture and I show you how to make a sandwich." But then I decided that the eggish tofu was a big win for me, and let's face it not everyone "knows" how to "make a sandwich."

Also it's worth noting that I enjoyed this sandwich so much that I stole my brunch companion's half-finished sandwich when he was in the bathroom and finished it in 20 seconds.

Here's the stuff to get for this fantastic hangover companion:

English muffins (ALERT. I know we're all adults and we are pretty good at checking labels and reading ingredients, but be aware that English muffins are rarely vegan. It's strange, I know, but most contain whey at the very least.)
a tomato, sliced
cheese  (I used Daiya havarti-style wedge, sliced. Literally yum.)
1/4 block extra firm, pressed tofu
1/4 Cup soy creamer
1/4 Cup nutritional yeast flakes
1 tsp turmeric
salt and pepper to taste
1/2 pack of sausage (I used gimme lean)
2 Tbl pure maple syrup
1 tsp red pepper flakes

See how easy that list is? Nothing scary and foreign, just mostly some good old grocery store corporate vegan food. :)

The assembly is fairly straightforward, right? You've got your cheese. You've got your tomato. The tofu is supposed to be the quote "egg" part and the maple sausage part is, well, the sausage part. Let's talk about the tofu.

First, slice your tofu pretty thin. Next, in a small bowl, whisk together the creamer, nutritional yeast and turmeric. Salt and pepper to taste. Prepare a small skillet with a dabble of vegetable oil, and heat on medium high. Dip your tofu slices in the creamy nooch mixture, then fry on medium high until golden brownish on each side. Voila egg life.

The sausage is easy too. Using your fingers, mash together the maple syrup and pepper flakes with the sausage. Pat these into patties and pan fry like you're supposed to. Like.. medium? In a skillet?

There you have it. Now crack open a PBR and let's get this crazy party month started!!

Roasted Zucchini Pepper Pasta

There are times when I begin writing a blog post and I am overcome almost immediately with the notion that my time would be better spent recreating and re-eating the thing I am covering in said post. It takes tremendous willpower to continue sitting at my desk, writing about the nice-looking photo above and remembering how delightful it felt in my belly. Today is one of those days, so bear with me!

Yes, this pasta dish was incredible. AND nearly all local to boot. The summer is the most fabulous time for my mouth, on account of the abundance of produce in and around my life. Thanks as always to my local farmer's market (and my good friends) for making fresh vegetables available to my tummy. One beautiful thing about this sauce, which I think highlights one benefit of cooking with local produce, is that it is not heavily seasoned. The vegetables sort of speak for themselves in this one.

Here's what I used to make this sauce:

roughly 1 1/2 Cup chopped zucchini (or about 1 "normal size" zucchini - though mine was about the size of a small child)
1/2 Cup roasted red peppers
4 leaves fresh basil, chopped
1 tsp sea salt
1/2 an heirloom tomato - all yellowish and reddish, diced

(also you need pasta. obvi)

To begin, go ahead and boil your pasta water to prepare your elbows or whichever pasta you prefer, because the sauce doesn't take too long. I must say, this sauce goes disgustingly well with elbows.

Note: if you don't already "have" roasted red peppers, go ahead and do this first. I have a post on roasting red peppers here if you need some guidance. You obviously may used jarred roasted red peppers but they tend to be pretty pricey. It's quite silly. I roast some every so often and keep them in the fridge and pretend they are from Kroger's, which turns out to be a bad idea because they won't last as long.

Heat a dab of olive oil in a small skillet over medium-high heat. Toss in the zucchini and sauté for about 2 minutes, or until slightly browned. Remove from heat and let these cool. Throw them into a food processor, along with the roasted red peppers, chopped basil and salt, and process for about one minute.

Return the sauce to a small saucepan and add the diced tomatoes. Heat for about 5 minutes on low, stirring regularly.

HEY and I bet you thought there was going to be more here, didn't you? No. It is that simple. Other than to say of course, that I garnished mine with a dollop of Tofutti's Better Than Sour Cream, which contains no hydrogenated oils and is delicious to boot. Also a sprig of basil. YUM town.

Strawberry Banana Chia Pudding

Ok so might you allow me just a moment to reflect on chia seeds? Please? Listen, I follow a lot of vegan chefs/bloggers/entrepreneurs/home cooks/caterers/vlog celebs on Instagram and inevitably SOMEONE, each day, is going to post a freaking picture of their freaking chia pudding. What gives?

Sure, you could probably answer that "what gives" is that it's easy, fast, cheap, simple, PACKED with nutrients and tasty. You could. Or you could just point to the fact that this simple treat is JUST LIKE JELLO PUDDING HELLO.

Anyhow now that I live alone, I am constantly looking for ways to get rid of things I spurractically purchase at the grocery store in quantities I cannot support with one stomach - like a whole freaking bunch of bananas, or an entire half-gallon of almond milk. The sheer volume of these things may seem negligable to those of you with the luxury of roommates, but believe me, I really cannot let myself eat at Puerto Vallarta more than once a week anymore, or my food will spoil. It's a hard life living alone.

So here's a cool thing you can do if you have these things lying around your house and want to "feel healthy" for the day but don't want to like "eat things that taste like dirt." Here's what you'll need:

1 ripe banana

1 Cup strawberries

5 pitted dates

1/2 Cup chia seeds

1/4 Cup almond milk

So put those three things in a food processor and pulse until you have finished reading "A Little Tooth" by Thomas Lux. Mix the chia seeds with the milk, and add to the fruit mixture. Whip it all together and let sit in the fridge for at least 2 hours. Most folks believe you should let it chill until TOMORROW but who has the patience for this? 

It is delicious TODAY. Enjoy with poetry and don't forget to be awesome.

The Fresh Prince Special

It's the summa time

Summa, summa, summa time

Time to sit back and unwind

Just cleaned my porch and am AMPED about some summertime cocktails! Here's a twist on an old classic (I assume... I mean, it's simple enough). The fresh basil in this cocktail pulls the sweetness together so well you'll be sitting and sipping in your rocking chair, hollering at the honeys and flowing through every Fresh Prince lyric you never even knew you had in you. 

2 oz. coconut rum

1 oz. amaretto

2 oz. pineapple juice

1 oz. mango nectar

3 fresh basil leaves, finely chopped

Combine all ingredients and shake with 3 ice cubes. Strain and pour. Garnish with a three-grape spear.

Best served on the porch, obviously.

Philly Cheesesteak Rollups

Sometimes you just want comfort food and you don't want to spend an hour making it. These cheesy, meaty, mushroom yrolls are super delicious, take 20 minutes and totally fill that "I'm slightly hungover and have been doing yard work all morning and all I need is something greasy and filling to pair with this hair-of-the-dog" craving. We all feel it. Don't lie.

Like, have you ever wanted to make taquitos, but needed something a little more... thick? And also you were out of tortillas? Me too, sister. Grab this stuff! It's easy! [Serves 2]

(Also might now be a good time to mention that these taste AWESOME)

7 or 8 slices of bread (it doesn't matter what kind... I used whole wheat?)

a little bit of olive oil for grilling

one package of Daiya mozzarella style cheese

half a pound of store-bought seitan, sliced

5 white mushrooms, diced

1/4 green bell pepper, minced

1 Tbl Braggs liquid aminos 

First, prepare the bread. Cut the crust off the slices (you can save these for croutons!) Using a rolling pin or a relatively flat glass, roll out the bread until they are as thin and flat as you can make them. Set these aside.

In a small pan, heat one tablespoon of olive oil on medium low heat. After about one minute, increase the heat to medium-high and toss in the peppers. Stir for about one minute, then add the mushrooms. Cook for about 2 more minutes, stirring frequently. Remove from heat and place in a bowl to cool.

Return that same pan to heat and add the Braggs liquid aminos. Swirl it around the pan a time or two and add the sliced seitan. Stir fry on medium-high heat for about 2 or 3 minutes. (This might be a good time to prepare the dipping sauce. See below for the recipe!)

Once the seitan is finished, remove from heat and set aside. Now it's time to assemble!

First, grab a big pan and heat some olive oil (enough to coat the pan) over medium heat. One by one, lay out the slices of flattened bread. Spread mozzarella cheese across the slice. Carefully pile the mushroom and pepper mix near the back of the bread. Lay two or three seitan slices across the mushrooms and peppers. Delicately roll the bread up, making sure all the good stuff stays in. This can be tricky, but remember - you are an artist.

Once you roll one up, place it fold-down on the heated pan. Grill for a couple minutes, then flip over and finish the other side. You'll know when they are finished if you've ever been to Taco Bell.

Here's the recipe for the sauce (www.thebomb.com)

1/3 Cup non-dairy sour cream

2 Tbl chili garlic sauce

1 Tbl hot sauce

garnish with black pepper

Hell yeah!

Sweet and Crunchy Spiced Ice Cream Sundae

IT'S NATIONAL ICE CREAM DAY.

Two holiday posts in a row?????? What the?

I confess, I have been indulging in more than my fair share of Mexican restaurant guacamole and Indian buffets and Mellow Mushroom pizza and awful Panera salads lately. Why? Because my oven is broken. Tragic, I know.

This explains the lack of posting lately. However, I was able to throw together this decadent dish just in time for National Ice Cream Day, which I was reminded of thanks to my NPR wall calendar.

This dish was perfectly sweet and refreshing, perfect for a summer night if you're feeling hot to trot. It's prettty simple but also unusual enough to impress the dude you met up at the bar tonight who, turns out, is into bikes too but has never read any Kurt Vonnegut for some reason. For example.

While he's gulping down the PBR you offered him, gather this stuff (it will serve 2):

soy ice cream - vanilla
1 peach
1 Cup pistachios, shelled and chopped (he can probably help with this part)
1 Cup cinnamon apple Cheerios (or other cinnamon-y vegan cereal)
1 Tbl pure maple syrup
1 Tbl Earth Balance
6 creme filled cookies (I used Newman's Own Ginger-O's. Not only are Ginger-O's vegan, they are also intelligently portioned, incredibly delicious and not-outrageously expensive at around $3 a pack)

So after he has finished shelling and chopping the pistachios, have the boy you picked up slice the peach up. Meanwhile, heat the maple syrup and Earth Balance in a small pan over medium low heat. Meanwhile, crush the Cheerios in a bowl with the end of a skinny glass (or you could throw them in a Ziplock bag and pound them with your fist or head). When your Earth Balance and maple syrup are completely melted and runny, throw the pistachios in and stir constantly - these will get sticky as hell pretty quick.

As soon as all the pistachios are evenly coated, stir in the crushed cereal. Stir for about a half minute and remove from heat.

Now it's time to build your ice cream! Hell yeah! Place three cookies on the bottom of your bowl, scoop 3 dollops (or heck if it's Saturday, why not FIVE?!) of vanilla ice cream on top. Lay the peach slices around the ice cream, then top with the pistachio-cereal mix. Garnish with cinnamon and enjoy with a spiked cup of coffee!

Here's to the holiday! Cheers!

Childhood Nostalgia Stuffed Crust Pizza with Mac & Cheese, Fried Pickles and Ranch Drizzle

WOAH IT'S VEGAN PIZZA DAY MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY.

To celebrate, I literally ate nothing but vegan pizza today. No lie - after work, I went to Mellow Mushroom for lunch (one of the very few vegan friendly spots in Bowling Green) and ordered a small pizza with tempeh, Daiya, kalamata olives and mushrooms. Bomb! Thank you Mellow Mushroom for allowing me to eat vegan pizza ALL DAY.

AND THEN for dinner I prepared the following pit-zuh in celebration of this beautiful, meaningful holiday. If I may, I'd like for you to read this post with your eyes and also with your heart - to get our country back to its roots and to recognize the TRUE meaning of Vegan Pizza Day. It's not about buying the most expensive gift or decorating your house with the biggest light show on the block or throwing the biggest holiday party with A-list guests. It's about... well... GOD BLESS AMERICA.

This pizza is all about nostalgia. It ties together a few of my absolute favorite things from childhood (and let's be real - I can devour these dishes in no time as an adult as well) - macaroni and cheese, fried pickles, ranch, and STUFFED CRUST.

As we all know, by now, homemade pizza dough is a labor of love. I have nothing significant to add to Isa Chandra's dough recipe so I will let you find that on your own. Spoiler alert! - the thesis of dough recipes is usually this - dough making/stretching/mixing is an art. It's simple enough - mix some yeast and sugar and water with some flour, cover it in oil, let it rest, stretch it out, kneed it out, let it rest some more, kneed it some more. But it is all about the feeling. Any seasoned pro (i.e. someone who has made dough more than once) can tell you - it's about your technique.

While your dough is resting (as there is plenty of this involved - believe me), first prepare your fried pickles. The biggest challenge in making these is abstaining from eating each one as you pull them out of the fryer. For one, this will burn you. Also, you won't have any fried pickles left to top your pizza. How embarrassing!!!! 

For this you will need:

However many pickles you want to fry - I use the hamburger dill kind 

1 1/2 Cup all purpose flour

2 Tbl cornstarch

1 tsp black pepper

1 tsp egg replacer powder

1 tsp paprika

1 Cup almond milk (or your preferred non-dairy milk of choice)

Whisk together all the dry ingredients in a small bowl. Pour the almond milk in another small bowl.

Fill a heavy cast iron skillet or other high-heat pan with vegetable oil about halfway, or about 2 inches below the top of the pan. Heat the oil on medium-high heat and wait a bit.

To prepare the pickles, simply dip them in the milk, then the flour mixture and set aside. As a general frying rule of thumb, always toss in a small piece of batter as a test before frying your main dish. If the small bit begins frying immediately, then your oil is hot enough. If not, wait a little longer.

Fry your pickles in small batches of four or five to avoid them clumping together. Remove with a fork or other slotted utensil and place on a paper towel to dry. These can sit and relax until you are ready for your pizza. If, of course, you resist temptation. Again, let me emphasize that this is THE most difficult part of assembling the nostalgia pizza.

Oh look at that - you still have some resting time for your dough?????!! How shall we pass the time? Watch a few Friends episodes? Read a Billy Collins poem? Walk to your corner bar for a pint of the good stuff? Consider overpopulation? Or perhaps we could, oh I don't know, make some MAC N CHEESE.

Now the easy option here would be to purchase some store bought mac n cheese. This will work in a pinch, of course. When I am feeling lazy/hungover/crampy I indulge in Amy's gluten free mac n cheeze, which beats any store bought product I've personally encountered. The problem with using store bought mac and cheese with this pizza, though, is that you have little to no control over the amount of sauce, which will become crucial in the baking stage.

SO, put on your big girl panties because it doesn't take THAT much effort to prepare your own sauce. Plus it's VEGAN PIZZA DAY so like I said earlier, don't lose sight of the Reason for the Season.

Here's what you'll need:

macaroni elbows
4 Cups vegetable broth
2 Tbl lemon juice
1 Tbl Earth Balance
2 Tbl olive oil
1/2 Cup flour
1 tsp salt
1 tsp garlic powder
2 tsp black pepper
a couple pinches of dried thyme, crumbled in your fingers
1 tsp turmeric
1 1/2 -2 Cups nutritional yeast
1 Tbl yellow mustard

Prepare the mararoni according to the directions on the package if you're a dummy or if you're not a dummy prepare the macaroni according to how normal humans prepare pasta. There's no crucial time frame for this so you can cook your pasta while gathering sauce ingredients, or mixing a cooking cocktail or finding the perfect Pandora station to cook to. When it's done, drain and set aside.

In a medium saucepan, heat your veggie stock over medium heat until it comes to an easy boil. Add the lemon juice, olive oil and Earth Balance and reduce to medium-low heat. Gently stir in the flour, salt, garlic powder, pepper, thyme and turmeric and cook for a 2 minutes, stirring frequently. Now add the nutritional yeast about a half cup at a time, stirring constantly to incorporate.

At this point, the sauce may bubble up on you. Watch out! Cover your face! Wear safety goggles! Or some hip Ray Bans or something.

Either way, once your nooch is all in, reduce the sauce to low heat and stir in the mustard - the crown jewel of any American dish. Stir a few more minutes until your heart is satisfied and remove from heat.

Set aside 1 cup of the sauce. Stir the rest in with your macaroni elbows and marvel at the beauty of humanity. If your mac and cheese is a little saucy - don't panic. This will be helpful to you in the end due to the wizardly habits of ovens and their tendency to dry things out.

Now is it time to assemble the pizza??? Yes. It is that time now. First! Heat your oven mega hot. (I do mine at 500. 475 or 450 is also acceptable.)

Let's prepare the crust. Toss your dough and make it work for you (I suggest turning on some Ru Paul for this piece). To make a stuffed crust, it works exactly as you think it will - stretch it out a little past the pan to have a little excess for rolling over. Line the edges with mozzorella Daiya cheese and fold the excess dough over.

Now, take that one cup of cheese sauce and spread it evenly over your pizza. Next, pile on the mac and cheese. Top with fried pickles. Brush the crust with melted Earth Balance and stick that guy in the oven for 18-20 minutes, checking back occasionally via the oven light but NOT via opening the door and gazing at your creation like a dumbass letting all the heat out for 20 seconds.

While your pizza is baking, prepare the easy peasy ranch sauce. Vegan ranch is no secret, nor is it too difficult to assemble. Here's a recipe I found on about.com that seems to work well for me:

1 Cup veganaise
1/4 Cup soymilk
1 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp onion powder
1/4 tsp black pepper
2 tsp parsley
1 tsp apple cider vinegar
1/4 tsp dried dill

Whisk all ingredients together and THE END. I like the store mine in a squirt bottle for easy garnishing. It keeps about a week or two if you're brave. #upthepunx

When your pizza is done, remove from the oven, let cool, drizzle with ranch and enjoy with a PBR to celebrate your adulthood and remember this magical holiday that only comes once a year.