Philly Cheesesteak Rollups

Sometimes you just want comfort food and you don't want to spend an hour making it. These cheesy, meaty, mushroom yrolls are super delicious, take 20 minutes and totally fill that "I'm slightly hungover and have been doing yard work all morning and all I need is something greasy and filling to pair with this hair-of-the-dog" craving. We all feel it. Don't lie.

Like, have you ever wanted to make taquitos, but needed something a little more... thick? And also you were out of tortillas? Me too, sister. Grab this stuff! It's easy! [Serves 2]

(Also might now be a good time to mention that these taste AWESOME)

7 or 8 slices of bread (it doesn't matter what kind... I used whole wheat?)

a little bit of olive oil for grilling

one package of Daiya mozzarella style cheese

half a pound of store-bought seitan, sliced

5 white mushrooms, diced

1/4 green bell pepper, minced

1 Tbl Braggs liquid aminos 

First, prepare the bread. Cut the crust off the slices (you can save these for croutons!) Using a rolling pin or a relatively flat glass, roll out the bread until they are as thin and flat as you can make them. Set these aside.

In a small pan, heat one tablespoon of olive oil on medium low heat. After about one minute, increase the heat to medium-high and toss in the peppers. Stir for about one minute, then add the mushrooms. Cook for about 2 more minutes, stirring frequently. Remove from heat and place in a bowl to cool.

Return that same pan to heat and add the Braggs liquid aminos. Swirl it around the pan a time or two and add the sliced seitan. Stir fry on medium-high heat for about 2 or 3 minutes. (This might be a good time to prepare the dipping sauce. See below for the recipe!)

Once the seitan is finished, remove from heat and set aside. Now it's time to assemble!

First, grab a big pan and heat some olive oil (enough to coat the pan) over medium heat. One by one, lay out the slices of flattened bread. Spread mozzarella cheese across the slice. Carefully pile the mushroom and pepper mix near the back of the bread. Lay two or three seitan slices across the mushrooms and peppers. Delicately roll the bread up, making sure all the good stuff stays in. This can be tricky, but remember - you are an artist.

Once you roll one up, place it fold-down on the heated pan. Grill for a couple minutes, then flip over and finish the other side. You'll know when they are finished if you've ever been to Taco Bell.

Here's the recipe for the sauce (www.thebomb.com)

1/3 Cup non-dairy sour cream

2 Tbl chili garlic sauce

1 Tbl hot sauce

garnish with black pepper

Hell yeah!

Sweet and Crunchy Spiced Ice Cream Sundae

IT'S NATIONAL ICE CREAM DAY.

Two holiday posts in a row?????? What the?

I confess, I have been indulging in more than my fair share of Mexican restaurant guacamole and Indian buffets and Mellow Mushroom pizza and awful Panera salads lately. Why? Because my oven is broken. Tragic, I know.

This explains the lack of posting lately. However, I was able to throw together this decadent dish just in time for National Ice Cream Day, which I was reminded of thanks to my NPR wall calendar.

This dish was perfectly sweet and refreshing, perfect for a summer night if you're feeling hot to trot. It's prettty simple but also unusual enough to impress the dude you met up at the bar tonight who, turns out, is into bikes too but has never read any Kurt Vonnegut for some reason. For example.

While he's gulping down the PBR you offered him, gather this stuff (it will serve 2):

soy ice cream - vanilla
1 peach
1 Cup pistachios, shelled and chopped (he can probably help with this part)
1 Cup cinnamon apple Cheerios (or other cinnamon-y vegan cereal)
1 Tbl pure maple syrup
1 Tbl Earth Balance
6 creme filled cookies (I used Newman's Own Ginger-O's. Not only are Ginger-O's vegan, they are also intelligently portioned, incredibly delicious and not-outrageously expensive at around $3 a pack)

So after he has finished shelling and chopping the pistachios, have the boy you picked up slice the peach up. Meanwhile, heat the maple syrup and Earth Balance in a small pan over medium low heat. Meanwhile, crush the Cheerios in a bowl with the end of a skinny glass (or you could throw them in a Ziplock bag and pound them with your fist or head). When your Earth Balance and maple syrup are completely melted and runny, throw the pistachios in and stir constantly - these will get sticky as hell pretty quick.

As soon as all the pistachios are evenly coated, stir in the crushed cereal. Stir for about a half minute and remove from heat.

Now it's time to build your ice cream! Hell yeah! Place three cookies on the bottom of your bowl, scoop 3 dollops (or heck if it's Saturday, why not FIVE?!) of vanilla ice cream on top. Lay the peach slices around the ice cream, then top with the pistachio-cereal mix. Garnish with cinnamon and enjoy with a spiked cup of coffee!

Here's to the holiday! Cheers!

Childhood Nostalgia Stuffed Crust Pizza with Mac & Cheese, Fried Pickles and Ranch Drizzle

WOAH IT'S VEGAN PIZZA DAY MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY.

To celebrate, I literally ate nothing but vegan pizza today. No lie - after work, I went to Mellow Mushroom for lunch (one of the very few vegan friendly spots in Bowling Green) and ordered a small pizza with tempeh, Daiya, kalamata olives and mushrooms. Bomb! Thank you Mellow Mushroom for allowing me to eat vegan pizza ALL DAY.

AND THEN for dinner I prepared the following pit-zuh in celebration of this beautiful, meaningful holiday. If I may, I'd like for you to read this post with your eyes and also with your heart - to get our country back to its roots and to recognize the TRUE meaning of Vegan Pizza Day. It's not about buying the most expensive gift or decorating your house with the biggest light show on the block or throwing the biggest holiday party with A-list guests. It's about... well... GOD BLESS AMERICA.

This pizza is all about nostalgia. It ties together a few of my absolute favorite things from childhood (and let's be real - I can devour these dishes in no time as an adult as well) - macaroni and cheese, fried pickles, ranch, and STUFFED CRUST.

As we all know, by now, homemade pizza dough is a labor of love. I have nothing significant to add to Isa Chandra's dough recipe so I will let you find that on your own. Spoiler alert! - the thesis of dough recipes is usually this - dough making/stretching/mixing is an art. It's simple enough - mix some yeast and sugar and water with some flour, cover it in oil, let it rest, stretch it out, kneed it out, let it rest some more, kneed it some more. But it is all about the feeling. Any seasoned pro (i.e. someone who has made dough more than once) can tell you - it's about your technique.

While your dough is resting (as there is plenty of this involved - believe me), first prepare your fried pickles. The biggest challenge in making these is abstaining from eating each one as you pull them out of the fryer. For one, this will burn you. Also, you won't have any fried pickles left to top your pizza. How embarrassing!!!! 

For this you will need:

However many pickles you want to fry - I use the hamburger dill kind 

1 1/2 Cup all purpose flour

2 Tbl cornstarch

1 tsp black pepper

1 tsp egg replacer powder

1 tsp paprika

1 Cup almond milk (or your preferred non-dairy milk of choice)

Whisk together all the dry ingredients in a small bowl. Pour the almond milk in another small bowl.

Fill a heavy cast iron skillet or other high-heat pan with vegetable oil about halfway, or about 2 inches below the top of the pan. Heat the oil on medium-high heat and wait a bit.

To prepare the pickles, simply dip them in the milk, then the flour mixture and set aside. As a general frying rule of thumb, always toss in a small piece of batter as a test before frying your main dish. If the small bit begins frying immediately, then your oil is hot enough. If not, wait a little longer.

Fry your pickles in small batches of four or five to avoid them clumping together. Remove with a fork or other slotted utensil and place on a paper towel to dry. These can sit and relax until you are ready for your pizza. If, of course, you resist temptation. Again, let me emphasize that this is THE most difficult part of assembling the nostalgia pizza.

Oh look at that - you still have some resting time for your dough?????!! How shall we pass the time? Watch a few Friends episodes? Read a Billy Collins poem? Walk to your corner bar for a pint of the good stuff? Consider overpopulation? Or perhaps we could, oh I don't know, make some MAC N CHEESE.

Now the easy option here would be to purchase some store bought mac n cheese. This will work in a pinch, of course. When I am feeling lazy/hungover/crampy I indulge in Amy's gluten free mac n cheeze, which beats any store bought product I've personally encountered. The problem with using store bought mac and cheese with this pizza, though, is that you have little to no control over the amount of sauce, which will become crucial in the baking stage.

SO, put on your big girl panties because it doesn't take THAT much effort to prepare your own sauce. Plus it's VEGAN PIZZA DAY so like I said earlier, don't lose sight of the Reason for the Season.

Here's what you'll need:

macaroni elbows
4 Cups vegetable broth
2 Tbl lemon juice
1 Tbl Earth Balance
2 Tbl olive oil
1/2 Cup flour
1 tsp salt
1 tsp garlic powder
2 tsp black pepper
a couple pinches of dried thyme, crumbled in your fingers
1 tsp turmeric
1 1/2 -2 Cups nutritional yeast
1 Tbl yellow mustard

Prepare the mararoni according to the directions on the package if you're a dummy or if you're not a dummy prepare the macaroni according to how normal humans prepare pasta. There's no crucial time frame for this so you can cook your pasta while gathering sauce ingredients, or mixing a cooking cocktail or finding the perfect Pandora station to cook to. When it's done, drain and set aside.

In a medium saucepan, heat your veggie stock over medium heat until it comes to an easy boil. Add the lemon juice, olive oil and Earth Balance and reduce to medium-low heat. Gently stir in the flour, salt, garlic powder, pepper, thyme and turmeric and cook for a 2 minutes, stirring frequently. Now add the nutritional yeast about a half cup at a time, stirring constantly to incorporate.

At this point, the sauce may bubble up on you. Watch out! Cover your face! Wear safety goggles! Or some hip Ray Bans or something.

Either way, once your nooch is all in, reduce the sauce to low heat and stir in the mustard - the crown jewel of any American dish. Stir a few more minutes until your heart is satisfied and remove from heat.

Set aside 1 cup of the sauce. Stir the rest in with your macaroni elbows and marvel at the beauty of humanity. If your mac and cheese is a little saucy - don't panic. This will be helpful to you in the end due to the wizardly habits of ovens and their tendency to dry things out.

Now is it time to assemble the pizza??? Yes. It is that time now. First! Heat your oven mega hot. (I do mine at 500. 475 or 450 is also acceptable.)

Let's prepare the crust. Toss your dough and make it work for you (I suggest turning on some Ru Paul for this piece). To make a stuffed crust, it works exactly as you think it will - stretch it out a little past the pan to have a little excess for rolling over. Line the edges with mozzorella Daiya cheese and fold the excess dough over.

Now, take that one cup of cheese sauce and spread it evenly over your pizza. Next, pile on the mac and cheese. Top with fried pickles. Brush the crust with melted Earth Balance and stick that guy in the oven for 18-20 minutes, checking back occasionally via the oven light but NOT via opening the door and gazing at your creation like a dumbass letting all the heat out for 20 seconds.

While your pizza is baking, prepare the easy peasy ranch sauce. Vegan ranch is no secret, nor is it too difficult to assemble. Here's a recipe I found on about.com that seems to work well for me:

1 Cup veganaise
1/4 Cup soymilk
1 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp onion powder
1/4 tsp black pepper
2 tsp parsley
1 tsp apple cider vinegar
1/4 tsp dried dill

Whisk all ingredients together and THE END. I like the store mine in a squirt bottle for easy garnishing. It keeps about a week or two if you're brave. #upthepunx

When your pizza is done, remove from the oven, let cool, drizzle with ranch and enjoy with a PBR to celebrate your adulthood and remember this magical holiday that only comes once a year.

Curry Chickpeas and Pan-Fried Teriyaki Turkey with Spicy Almond Tahini Sauce

You may have heard by now that I only purchase faux meat products when they are on manager's special at Kroger, throw them in the freezer and save them for a rainy day [read: a long-ass 3 PBR day]. This particular long-ass 3 PBR day was an emotionally heartwrenching one (likely involving my poor dying toenail or the ghosts that haunt my 130-year-old home or purchasing a non-ripe avocado or something of comparable heartache) and I wanted comfort food.

If you are looking for a different way to prepare any faux deli slices you have lying around the house, this is a good way to dress up that turkey for a night on the town. Totally appropriate for any fancy-ass dinner party complete with candles and cut-off jeans and the like.

First prepare the chickpeas.

Here's the stuffs (serves two, because, date night):

1 1/2 cup canned chickpeas
1 Tbl curry powder
1 tsp paprika
1 tsp sea salt
1/2 tsp black pepper
1 Tbl extra virgin olive oil

Preheat your oven to 400. In a small bowl, whisk together the dry spices. In a separate, medium-sized bowl, toss your chickpeas with the olive oil to evenly coat them. Then add the spice mixture and toss everything around similar to a 15-year-old Meredith at her first MXPX show. Make sure everything is evenly coated.

Toss your chickpeas into a shallow baking pan and throw them in the oven, uncovered, once it is thoroughly heated. These will need to roast for 35 minutes, so let's get to work on your other elements.

Now is a good time to start on the sauce. Have we talked lately about how the key to any great dish is an exceptional sauce? No? Well, the thing is, anyone can prepare a pan-fried meat slices or baked polenta or crab cakes or spring rolls or what have you, but the sauce is the glue. Many dishes are nothing without it. So pay attention! Gather your sauce ingredients:

1 Cup raw, unsalted almonds
1/4 Cup water
1/2 Cup tahini
1 Tbl chili garlic sauce
1 tsp Frank's Red Hot or Louisiana or your hot sauce of choice*
1 tsp sea salt

*As a declared Kentuckian and loyal PBR drinker with two missing teeth and a busted up front bumper, I take pride in my dedication to Frank's Red Hot (or the occasional Texas Pete) as my redneck hot sauce of choice.

In a food processor, chop up the almond until they are crumbly. Do you know what I mean by "crumbly"? Good. We are all adults here. Once they are crumbly, slowly add the 1/4 cup of water and blend until evenly mixed. It should be rather creamy at this point, but if not, don't panic, we will get to this later.

Next, add the remainder of your ingredients and process until evenly mixed. If the sauce is too thick for your liking, add more water one tablespoon at a time until it is perfect.

This can be served as it, but it will make the cohesive dish temperature a little wonky, so I suggest heating it in a small saucepan on low heat, stirring occasionally, until your dish is pulled together and ready for plating.

Now let's get to the turkey! First, cut up your rounded slabs of faux turkey deli slices (however many you feel will feed two people - I used 6 or 7 slices I think) into strips. Now let's prepare the stir-fry sauce. Here's what you'll need:

1 Tbl Braggs liquid aminos
2 Tbl teriyaki sauce
2 tsp brown sugar
1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
1 tsp olive oil

Whisk together all ingredients in a small bowl. Easy! Now, find yourself a non-stick skillet and heat your teriyaki sauce in it over medium-high heat. Wait about a half a minute for it to heat thoroughly and then throw your slices in there about 4 or 5 at a time. These should begin to fry rather quickly on a higher heat, so stir constantly. When the edges are black or charred, remove from heat and set aside to assemble your dish.

By now, your chickpeas should be finished. Remove those from the oven. It's time to plate! My favorite time of day!

Lay your almond tahini sauce as a base. Then dump a pile of chickpeas in the center of the puddle. Lay strips of turkey across the top of the chickpea mound. Garnish with sesame seeds. Ta-da!

Arrested Development Extravaganza!!

Oh guys. The time has come. This little lady has been waiting impatiently for FOUR YEARS (roughly the same amount of time it takes an "average" "college student" to finish a "bachelor's degree," apparently - which is a long time!) for new Arrested Development, and FINALLY the day has come. That cheeky little ballcapped Ron Howard, everyone's favorite ginger in Hollywood, has finally read my baker's dozen of threatening letters and has released Season Four of Arrested Development.

So what else is a hungry girl to do but THROW A PARTAY?! I am always looking for another excuse to feed people. This seemed like a no-brainer. I'll share with you the entire menu near the bottom of this post, but what I really want to discuss here today is my George Sr. SoCal Cornballs. These are easy, fast, and SO delicious. Omnivores devoured them and they fit the theme of the evening perfectly. So hunker down, find some frying oil, put on your favorite Jerky Boys record and let's get cornballing! No Rules, no boundaries, go ahead touch the cornballer you know best!

YO SOY LOCO POR LOS CORNBALLS!

Here's what you'll need:

1 1/2 Cups cornmeal
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 Cup flour
1 tsp salt
2 egg replacers
1 handful of pickled jalapenos
1/2 Cup canned corn
1/2 Cup Daiya cheddar style shreds
1/4 Cup almond milk

Start with your dry ingredients - whisk together well. Then add the remaining ingredients. If these come out a little dry, add a little milk to moisten them up. The important thing to keep in mind here is that you spend some time making these with the ones you love. These are good for premiere parties but they are even BETTER for a Saturday morning pre-bike-ride snack. Unless your son decides he has better things to do.

Wop wop.

The most important piece of this recipe is getting the frying down. Since The Cornballer hasn't yet reached Kentucky, here we must resort to tried-and-true methods of old fashioned frying in vegetable oil. Be careful though - it's still pretty damn hot if you touch the side.

Find yourself a small saucepan, and fill it about halfway up with vegetable oil. Turn on high and wait a few minutes. Here's where you need to do a test drop - pinch a teeny bit of cornabll mix and toss it in the oil. If it starts to fry, then your oil is ready. If not, then keep waiting. LISTEN guys - I am one impatient gal when it comes to fried treats like George Sr.'s SoCal Cornballs, but you MUST wait for the oil to be hot enough before tossing those suckers in. Once they're ready, turn your oil down to medium-high and throw them in a couple at a time.

Follow standard protocol for frying stuff (until golden brown), remove with a fork and let dry on a paper towel. 

I served these with a sweet mustard sauce, which was BOMB. Just whisk together some brown deli mustard, veganaise, maple syrup and a peeeench of brown sugar and voila! Delicious. 

And for the rest of the menu....

Vodka and Toast

"Get me a vodka rocks"

"Mom, it's breakfast."

"And toast."

Bangers and Mash

"Who'd like a banger in the mouth? Oh, right, I forgot, here in the states, you call it a *sausage* in the mouth."
"We just call it a sausage."

Skip's Scramble

Too many choices? Menu too big to swallow? Let Skip serve you up a scram that has something from every dish on the menu. It will knock you into next week! $47.95 a la carte.

Made this with kale hash browns, cheddar Daiya, smokey tempeh bacon,  and tofu scramble with mushrooms, peppers, spinach and carrots.

Frozen Bluth Bananas

These were frozen twice over and dipped in dark chocolate, rolled in almonds and cashews.

10 cents gets you nuts!

and finally...

Chick'n Fingers.. With Spicy Club Sauce

Also, not pictured:

boxed white zinfandel wine

ice cream sandwiches

Just a Reminder That We are Allowed to Eat Whatever We Want

Just because you are vegan doesn't mean you can't miss out on Cheesy Kale Hot Dog Sammich Time.

Just a reminder. And a poem (that's not really a poem at all but actually just an excerpt from "Pilgrim at Tinker Creek" by the beautiful Annie Dillard) to commemorate.

Thomas Merton wrote, "there is always temptation to diddle around in the contemplative life, making itsy-bitsy statues." There is always an enormous temptation in all of life to diddle around by making itsy-bitsy friends and meals and journeys for years on end. It is all so self-conscious, so apparently moral, to step aside from the gaps where the creeks and the winds pour down, saying, I never merited this grace, quite rightly, and then to sulk along the rest of your days on the edge of rage.

I won't have it. The world is wilder than that in all directions, more dangerous and bitter, more extravagant and bright. We are making hay when we should be making whoopee; we are raising tomatoes when we should be raising Cain, or Lazarus.

...served with sweet and spicy brown mustard. Duh :)

Shaken Vanilla Chai

The sun is out and it is high time for midday cocktails!

One of the many perks of the Starbucks barista life is the plethora of markouts we are given. Each partner is allotted one pound of whole bean coffee, one box of K-cups, one tin of Tazo tea or one box of chai concentrate every week! Amazing. So you know imma whip up some springtime cocktails with my partner benefit. This is sweet, a little spicy and perfectly caffeinated. 

This has been my go-to the past few weeks. Here's how you make it.

1/2 Cup chai tea concentrate

1/2 Cup vanilla soymilk

2 oz. rum

1 scoop ice

Shake all ingredients. Strain and serve chilled over one cube of ice. Garnish with cinnamon and Annie Dillard.