Spicy Cashew Miso Tofu

I've been really into stacks lately. They just look so gee-dee fancy. So simple and yet so elegant. Like this dish: simply sliced tomatoes, seasoned quinoa, steamed kale and spicy cashew miso tofu, plated with sriracha. Most elements to this dish are relatively self-explanatory, so let's dive into the tofu.

First and foremost, always press your tofu. This can be done overnight in your fridge, for an hour while you're doing laundry or updating your blog, or in ten minutes with a paper towel while your'e downing your first working-PBR.

This isn't quite a marinade tofu dish, so go ahead and preheat your oven to 400.

Here's what you'll need for the mix:

1 cup cashews
3/4 cup water
1/2 cup chili garlic sauce
3 Tbl miso paste
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp black pepper

In a food processor, process the cashews with water until creamy. Then add remaining ingredients to the processor and pulse until thoroughly mixed.

Lay out your tofu flat in a casserole dish, and pour over your cashew mix over the tofu.

Bake at 400 for 25 minutes, then remove from oven and flip the tofu with a fork. Return to oven and bake again for another 25 minutes.

To assemble a dish like this, I use a ramekin. I just layer each piece of the dish into the ramekin, obviously putting the top layer in first, and making sure everything is packed tight into the dish. Then flip it over onto a plate, and top with toppings and/or sauce. Easy peasy and elegant to boot!

Earl Grey Amaretto Palmer

Time for a little mixology - this is #veganista, after all.

This has been my favorite midday cocktail the past few days (my go-to changes every week). It's an earthy/sweet twist on an old classic. Here's how you make it:

1. Brew half a pitcher of Earl Grey tea using 5 tea bags to make it extra strong. When it's finished steeping (4 minutes), stir in half a cup of sugar until it's all dissolved. Next, water it down with ice until the pitcher is full.

2. Fresh homemade lemonade: mix together juice from roughly 5 lemons (1 cup juice), 1 cup simple syrup (heat 1 cup water with 3/4 cups sugar, let cool), and 3-4 cups cold water. 

3. 1 oz. amaretto

4. 1.5 oz. vodka

5. Mix all ingredients together in a shaker. Shake with ice and serve with a lemon wedge.

Bourbon Butterscotch Monkey Bread

EEEEEEEEEEEEE THIS.

Again, I apologize for the processed food post but COME ON it's monkey bread! And it's vegan. We're allowed to have a few cheat days here and there, yes? Even as vegans, we're allowed to run naked through the streets and get a little rowdy and wave our Kentucky flags high and drink midday cocktails and read gonzo literature and for goodness sake eat a little monkey bread too sometimes, right? Are we not human? Have we no souls? Ain't I a Woman?!

That said, here's my obligatory reminder for this recipe:
This is NOT good for you.
But it is vegan.
So let's run naked through the streets with monkey bread in our bellies.

Kay so here's what you'll need for the bread:

3 tubes of refrigerated biscuit dough (ALERT: not all biscuit dough is created equal - a lot of this stuff is pretty sketchy, containing hydrogendated oils and what have you. Many are not vegan. Of course, you could simply make your own biscuit dough, but hey I work two jobs so here we are.)
1 Cup white sugar
1 Tbl cinnamon
1/2 Cup chopped walnuts and pecans
1/2 Cup golden raisins

Preheat your oven to 350 and grease a bundt pan. But of course I should note that we are free radicals and we dont' own bundt pans, so feel free to use a glass mixing bowl with a Pom Juice glass in the middle to make it look like we used a bundt pan.

Dump the white sugar and cinnamon into a one-gallon plastic bag. Next, cut the biscuit pieces into quarters. The goal here is to coat the biscuit pieces in the cinnamon sugar mix, so drop about 6-8 pieces in the bag at a time, until they're all coated. Once you're done coating the biscuits, place them all jigsaw-puzzle-like into your "bundt pan". In between each layer, sprinkle the nuts and raisins throughout.

Now it's sauce time! Here's what you'll need:

1 Cup brown sugar
1/3 Cup light corn syrup
1/2 Cup Earth Balance
3 Tbl bourbon (I used Heaven Hill 6 Year - our house cheap bourbon)
1/2 Cup soy creamer
1/4 tsp sea salt

In a small heavy saucepan, combine the brown sugar, corn syrup, Earth Balance and 2 tablespoons of the bourbon. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat and cook for about 5 minutes, or until the mixture of golden brown and your whole kitchen smells like Kentucky.

Remove from heat and slowly stir in the soy creamer. At first, the mixture will bubble furiously like a Kentucky Derby infielder drunk off hooch with stained red hands who lost $7. But don't be afraid! Stir in the salt and the remaining bourbon, stirring until the mixture is silky smooth like a shot of 10 year Evan Williams.

Pour your sauce over the biscuit dough mixture, and bake for 35 minutes. IMPORTANT: let cool for 10 minutes! Then turn over onto a plate and VOILA.

Viva la Monkey Bread Revolution!

Spicy Sweet Potato Fritters

Yes!!!!! Is there anything better than having the morning off and getting to make lunch at home??????

It's the little things, y'all.

IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS.

So these were delicious, and required a little more time than my typical quick lunch, but well worth it. The process is simple - dip slices in egg replacer, dip slices in flour mix, then fry in vegetable oil and nom nom nom nom.

Here's what you need if you're chopping up 1 sweet potato (feeds about 2-3 people):

2 cups flour
1/4 cup brown sugar
2 Tbl black pepper
2 Tbl red pepper flakes
2 tsp chili powder
1/4 tsp salt

So there are your dry ingredients for the batter. Sift these together and then prepare 4 egg replacer solutions. I use Ener-G Egg Replacer. Then, pour about 1/4 an inch of vegetable oil into a cast iron skillet, and heat on med-high while you slice your tater.

You'll need to slice your sweet potato pretty thin I did mine about 1/8 an inch. Once you have your slices, dip these in the egg replacer one at a time, then coat thoroughly in the dry flour mix. Toss these into the cast iron (NO wait don't actually toss these, because hot oil) one at a time, and fry until crispy golden brown.

Let dry on a paper towel.

I served mine with a jalapeño mustard sauce, made with yellow mustard, honey and pickled jalapeños. #yumtown

Thai Corn Cakes

Sleep-in brunch is getting to be a thing of unique opportunity - most mornings I'm at Starbucks at 4:30 and the days I have off I'm usually too tired to whip up something bigger than toast. I'm not complaining because I LOVE toast. Cinnamon sugar toast slathered in Earth Balance may be the Scottie Pippin of our time, if you know what I mean.

Another by-product of the 60-hour work week, unfortunately, is spoiled produce. I can be such a visionary at the grocery store but then by Friday I somehow end up with two (two?!) mangoes tip-toeing precariously close to that cliff of over-ripeness. Ergo - thai corn cakes! These were delicious and not so difficult to throw together. I whipped up a sweet peanut sauce for dipping, but it's not totally necessary. They can definitely be served on their own even to a sweet tooth.

1 cup cornmeal
1/2 cup flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 cup coconut powder or coconut flakes
3 Tbl brown sugar
1/4 cup fresh basil, chopped
1 ripe mango, pureed
2 egg replacers (I use Ener-G Egg Replacer - but a very ripe banana would be delicious here as well)
1 cup almond milk or soymilk

Mix all your dry ingredients together, then add the wet ingredients. Drop about 1/4 cup of batter at a time in a hot skillet (make certain it is HOT before you drop these bad boys in!) greased lightly with Earth Balance or olive oil. Fry until golden brown.

Here is the recipe for sweet peanut sauce, which is just a bomb addition to any meal, though as I said earlier, not totally necessary for these:

1/2 ripe banana
1/4 cup all natural peanut butter, crunchy
1 Tbl pure maple syrup

Mash the banana until it's creamy and gooey and almost like a soup, then add the PB and maple syrup. Voila!

Cheesy Broccoli Pi with Chili Lime Tofu in Herbed Crust

It's Pi Day, Pi Day, gotta get down on Pi Day. This pi was a labor of love but so, so very worth it. So hunker down and drink some water and pay attention. I'll try to sprinkle a few jokes here and there to keep your attention but I can't promise they'll be gold medallion status because this one is a doozy.


First! Let's marinate some tofu! In order to get the tofu fully marinated, take care of this the night before (March 13, naturally). Here's what you'll need:

One package of well-pressed tofu
Juice from 2 limes
2 Tbl chili garlic sauce
1 tsp brown sugar
2 Tbl soy sauce

Whisk your marinade together in a small bowl. Slice the tofu into cubes and place in a shallow casserole dish. Pour the marinade over your tofu, cover with plastic wrap and place in the fridge overnight.


Next, and most importantly, prepare the crust the day you'll need it (March 14, naturally). Here's what you'll need for two full pie crusts:

3 cups all-purpose flour
2 Tbl sugar
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking powder
2/3 cup shortening
1/2 cup cold water, plus more as needed
4 tsp apple cider vinegar
4 Tbl thyme
4 Tbl basil

First I should point out that this crust recipe is almost an exact replica of the one provided by Isa Chandra in her book Veganomicon, a MUST for anyone even remotely interested in vegan cooking. I see no reason to "improve upon" her recipes, but experimenting with a few tweeks is always encouraged.

The secret to pi crust is keep everything as cold as possible. Vegan Dad even suggests freezing your shortening, then cutting it in as it slowly thaws.

In a large mixing bowl, mix together your dry ingredients. Gradually cut in the shortening bit by bit and mash into the flour with your fingers. Once you're finished, the mixture should be crumbly, pebbly and moist. Next, combine the vinegar and water and slowly add this to the dough. I add this mixture to the dough in a couple small batches, mixing the dough until it pinches together. If you need to, add a little more water until the dough holds.

Gather your dough and gently kneed it just a few times, until it holds together. Sprinkle a clean surface with flour and roll your dough out flat on it, then cover with plastic wrap and place in the fridge until you are ready to use it.

And since you're waiting on your crust to sit and gel, I know I promised some free jokes but I'd rather give you an Onion snippet than scrape the dredges of my own reservoir:

It's one of my favorites.

Now go search The Onion for all things Tim Duncan.

Now it's time to prepare the filling! Gather all yo shit and let's get choppin:

3 cloves minced garlic
Roughly 10 medium sized mushrooms or 1 Cup chopped mushrooms
1 Cup chopped broccoli
1 Tbl olive oil
1 tsp salt
1/4 Cup Braggs liquid aminos
1 Cup nutritional yeast
1/4 Cup almond milk (or your preferred nondairy milk of choice)
2 Tbl flour
splashes of water as needed

Heat a large pan on medium, then add the olive oil and heat it until you can see the currents (roughly half a minute). Add the garlic and cook it for about a minute - just long enough to release the aromas but not long enough to overcook it. Next, add your broccoli and cook for about 5 minutes. Then add the Braggs, salt, and mushrooms and cook an additional 3 minutes, stirring regularly. Next, gradually add the nutritional yeast a few tablespoons at a time, and stir to evenly coat the veggies. Then slowly add the almond milk and stir.

Here is where you'll need to monitor your mix and make sure it thickens properly. As it cooks, stir continually and gradually add the water/flour based on how thick you want it. Do this for about 5 minutes, uncovered, then remove from heat.

Oh here is the part where you have forgotten to preheat your oven, so go ahead and heat your oven to 350 while you prepare your pi crust.

Now let's build the pi! Take your crust out of the fridge and slice it in half. Roll out both halves on a clean, flour-dusted surface. Press one half into a pi dish to prepare the outer crust, and set aside the other half for the top.

Lay out the marinated tofu on the bottom of the pi crust to build your bottom layer. Next, pour your mushroom/broccoli mix over the tofu, then lay the remaining crust over the top. And obviously here is where you can feel free to design your Pi Day crust as you see fit. Brush with melted Earth Balance and bake for 45-55 minutes, or until the crust is golden and the filling is bubbling.

As always, thanks to sous-chef Travis for going the extra mile to model this pi!

Happy Pi Day!

This is the Greatest Sandwich in the World

I don't like to post things that don't seem too original, or tutorials for how to throw together processed food, because we are all adults here (right? babies can't read?). But someone on IG specifically said "OH THIS NEEDS TO BE ON YOUR BLOG" when I posted it the other day.

And I will concede. Simply because it is the greatest sammich I think I've ever constructed. Here, let me say more about that:

As you may or may not have heard me whining about recently, I just started serving corporate meat and other various deep-fried sundries to the masses of Bowling Green and the greater I-65 area, which deprives me of sleep time and cooking time, to say nothing of the daily ethical limbo I two-step around. Serving life is silly and romantic and difficult and I'm not convinced yet whether or not it's worth it for now, but suffice it to say that I have been cooking less hour-and-a-half long dishes, and exploring instead the sammich world.

So this was birthed out of a 16-hour, stiffed-twice, grab-a-beer-as-soon-as-you-get-home work day. It's simple enough but turned into the Greatest Sammich in the World, as you can clearly read from the post title. It is champagne dijon mustard, sauteed mushrooms and broccoli (with Braggs and nooch), pan-fried veggie dogs, and more champagne dijon mustard, all on Ezekiel sprouted bread.

I don't like to keep meat alternatives around, because a) they tend to be highly processed and b) they don't exactly promote a healthy lifestyle. But sometimes, Manager's Special, you know? Plus you can never tell when a hungry gaggle of touring punk bands will roll through your town. So I buy 'em on clearance and give them a home in the freezer.

More to come, on rare days off.

Speaking of days off - have you watched John Green's last Crash Course in World History episode of all time yet? Globalization - Good or Bad? Check it out.