Strawberry Banana Chia Pudding

Ok so might you allow me just a moment to reflect on chia seeds? Please? Listen, I follow a lot of vegan chefs/bloggers/entrepreneurs/home cooks/caterers/vlog celebs on Instagram and inevitably SOMEONE, each day, is going to post a freaking picture of their freaking chia pudding. What gives?

Sure, you could probably answer that "what gives" is that it's easy, fast, cheap, simple, PACKED with nutrients and tasty. You could. Or you could just point to the fact that this simple treat is JUST LIKE JELLO PUDDING HELLO.

Anyhow now that I live alone, I am constantly looking for ways to get rid of things I spurractically purchase at the grocery store in quantities I cannot support with one stomach - like a whole freaking bunch of bananas, or an entire half-gallon of almond milk. The sheer volume of these things may seem negligable to those of you with the luxury of roommates, but believe me, I really cannot let myself eat at Puerto Vallarta more than once a week anymore, or my food will spoil. It's a hard life living alone.

So here's a cool thing you can do if you have these things lying around your house and want to "feel healthy" for the day but don't want to like "eat things that taste like dirt." Here's what you'll need:

1 ripe banana

1 Cup strawberries

5 pitted dates

1/2 Cup chia seeds

1/4 Cup almond milk

So put those three things in a food processor and pulse until you have finished reading "A Little Tooth" by Thomas Lux. Mix the chia seeds with the milk, and add to the fruit mixture. Whip it all together and let sit in the fridge for at least 2 hours. Most folks believe you should let it chill until TOMORROW but who has the patience for this? 

It is delicious TODAY. Enjoy with poetry and don't forget to be awesome.

The Fresh Prince Special

It's the summa time

Summa, summa, summa time

Time to sit back and unwind

Just cleaned my porch and am AMPED about some summertime cocktails! Here's a twist on an old classic (I assume... I mean, it's simple enough). The fresh basil in this cocktail pulls the sweetness together so well you'll be sitting and sipping in your rocking chair, hollering at the honeys and flowing through every Fresh Prince lyric you never even knew you had in you. 

2 oz. coconut rum

1 oz. amaretto

2 oz. pineapple juice

1 oz. mango nectar

3 fresh basil leaves, finely chopped

Combine all ingredients and shake with 3 ice cubes. Strain and pour. Garnish with a three-grape spear.

Best served on the porch, obviously.

Philly Cheesesteak Rollups

Sometimes you just want comfort food and you don't want to spend an hour making it. These cheesy, meaty, mushroom yrolls are super delicious, take 20 minutes and totally fill that "I'm slightly hungover and have been doing yard work all morning and all I need is something greasy and filling to pair with this hair-of-the-dog" craving. We all feel it. Don't lie.

Like, have you ever wanted to make taquitos, but needed something a little more... thick? And also you were out of tortillas? Me too, sister. Grab this stuff! It's easy! [Serves 2]

(Also might now be a good time to mention that these taste AWESOME)

7 or 8 slices of bread (it doesn't matter what kind... I used whole wheat?)

a little bit of olive oil for grilling

one package of Daiya mozzarella style cheese

half a pound of store-bought seitan, sliced

5 white mushrooms, diced

1/4 green bell pepper, minced

1 Tbl Braggs liquid aminos 

First, prepare the bread. Cut the crust off the slices (you can save these for croutons!) Using a rolling pin or a relatively flat glass, roll out the bread until they are as thin and flat as you can make them. Set these aside.

In a small pan, heat one tablespoon of olive oil on medium low heat. After about one minute, increase the heat to medium-high and toss in the peppers. Stir for about one minute, then add the mushrooms. Cook for about 2 more minutes, stirring frequently. Remove from heat and place in a bowl to cool.

Return that same pan to heat and add the Braggs liquid aminos. Swirl it around the pan a time or two and add the sliced seitan. Stir fry on medium-high heat for about 2 or 3 minutes. (This might be a good time to prepare the dipping sauce. See below for the recipe!)

Once the seitan is finished, remove from heat and set aside. Now it's time to assemble!

First, grab a big pan and heat some olive oil (enough to coat the pan) over medium heat. One by one, lay out the slices of flattened bread. Spread mozzarella cheese across the slice. Carefully pile the mushroom and pepper mix near the back of the bread. Lay two or three seitan slices across the mushrooms and peppers. Delicately roll the bread up, making sure all the good stuff stays in. This can be tricky, but remember - you are an artist.

Once you roll one up, place it fold-down on the heated pan. Grill for a couple minutes, then flip over and finish the other side. You'll know when they are finished if you've ever been to Taco Bell.

Here's the recipe for the sauce (www.thebomb.com)

1/3 Cup non-dairy sour cream

2 Tbl chili garlic sauce

1 Tbl hot sauce

garnish with black pepper

Hell yeah!

Sweet and Crunchy Spiced Ice Cream Sundae

IT'S NATIONAL ICE CREAM DAY.

Two holiday posts in a row?????? What the?

I confess, I have been indulging in more than my fair share of Mexican restaurant guacamole and Indian buffets and Mellow Mushroom pizza and awful Panera salads lately. Why? Because my oven is broken. Tragic, I know.

This explains the lack of posting lately. However, I was able to throw together this decadent dish just in time for National Ice Cream Day, which I was reminded of thanks to my NPR wall calendar.

This dish was perfectly sweet and refreshing, perfect for a summer night if you're feeling hot to trot. It's prettty simple but also unusual enough to impress the dude you met up at the bar tonight who, turns out, is into bikes too but has never read any Kurt Vonnegut for some reason. For example.

While he's gulping down the PBR you offered him, gather this stuff (it will serve 2):

soy ice cream - vanilla
1 peach
1 Cup pistachios, shelled and chopped (he can probably help with this part)
1 Cup cinnamon apple Cheerios (or other cinnamon-y vegan cereal)
1 Tbl pure maple syrup
1 Tbl Earth Balance
6 creme filled cookies (I used Newman's Own Ginger-O's. Not only are Ginger-O's vegan, they are also intelligently portioned, incredibly delicious and not-outrageously expensive at around $3 a pack)

So after he has finished shelling and chopping the pistachios, have the boy you picked up slice the peach up. Meanwhile, heat the maple syrup and Earth Balance in a small pan over medium low heat. Meanwhile, crush the Cheerios in a bowl with the end of a skinny glass (or you could throw them in a Ziplock bag and pound them with your fist or head). When your Earth Balance and maple syrup are completely melted and runny, throw the pistachios in and stir constantly - these will get sticky as hell pretty quick.

As soon as all the pistachios are evenly coated, stir in the crushed cereal. Stir for about a half minute and remove from heat.

Now it's time to build your ice cream! Hell yeah! Place three cookies on the bottom of your bowl, scoop 3 dollops (or heck if it's Saturday, why not FIVE?!) of vanilla ice cream on top. Lay the peach slices around the ice cream, then top with the pistachio-cereal mix. Garnish with cinnamon and enjoy with a spiked cup of coffee!

Here's to the holiday! Cheers!